Fake it 'til you make it, and Weight Watchers Week 8

I have really been struggling as of late. No idea why really, which is bizzare. However, my food and exercise have not really been on plan. It is so bizarre for me to not want to exercise, but that definitely has been the case lately and I have not exercised since Saturday.

Fortunately today is a new day (and the start of a new week for WW) so I am making a fresh go at things. I have tracked everything and today I WILL make to to the gym. Gotta keep things moving if I want to see that August gun show.

This morning I was feeling so low. I also felt totally crappy yesterday, but I figured it was the headache and lack of sleep so I just passed out and ended up sleeping a total of about 10 hours yesterday (5:15-9PM, midnight-6:30ish). I felt physically better when I woke up but emotionally I was still a wreck. Part of it is my job, part of it is just feeling like I am sucking at the weight loss thing. Basically, I was having one of those mornings where you feel like a huge steaming pile of failure. Anyone ever have one of those? They suck.

I drug myself to work and ended up crawling into Karen Standley's office where I proceeded to melt into a pile of tears. Almost did the ugly cry. It wasn't pretty. She talked some sense into me and reminded me about the importance of the words we speak. There is a truism about this in almost every religion/belief system -- basically about positive affirmations and speaking things into being. In general I believe in putting an asterisk by such things (i.e., you have to put things into proper context), but today I was willing to take it! I needed to hear it.

I went to my office and did some work, but I ended up making a list of things that I believe are positive and that I want to will be. I am and will be

strong

resilient

motivated

dedicated

caring

healthy

successful

warm

friendly

supported

supportive

collaborative

responsive

proactive

organized

staying the course

CONFIDENT

I really struggle with the last one especially, but I am laying hold of it today. I am CONFIDENT.

WW meeting was today. Once again, the scale did not make sense. Despite eating an entire pizza Saturday, not exercising Sunday through Tuesday, and eating an entire package of Cadbury eggs and Reese's bunnies, I was down a pound. No idea.

Regardless of whether I'm losing or gaining, you cannot say that stuff is healthy. And, as per my affirmations, I am healthy so those are not the types of decisions I will make this week. It's not the falling that matters. It's the doing things over and over so that you get better at them, developing the ability to pick yourself up and keep going, and getting stronger so you don't fall nearly so much. Time to get up and go again. Week 9: game on.