Sunday, March 7, 2010

Shift in Thinking

I have to say I just realized this morning that I have had a shift in my thinking. One that is great and one that I, honestly, can barely believe.

If you've been with me since the beginning, you know that one of the reasons I started this blog is because I thought about food ALL. THE. TIME. I thought about my weight loss. I thought about getting healthy. It consumed me, and not necessarily in a healthy way. I needed a place where I could get it all out -- and not burden everyone in my everyday life with those weird and obsessive thoughts.

Lately I have realized that I think about food less. Sure I still think about it a lot. Yes, getting healthy is one of the top couple initiatives I've got going on in my life right now. But I obsess about it much less. I don't immediately go to track something when I eat it. These days I know roughly what the points values of different foods are, what qualifies as a good choice, and whether or not I'm willing to splurge if something isn't exactly a stellar choice. I feel like I've reached some sort of an equilibrium. I still track things very closely, but it is not a kneejerk reaction or something I obsess about that much anymore.

I don't think I've arrived by any means. I still struggle with making good choices everyday. But, I think overall I am starting to get a better handle on this whole living healthy thing. I am now willing to accept that my modest successes at the scale -- even on weeks when I do boneheaded things and make poor decisions -- are the result of living and eating right 80-90% of the time and falling off the wagon 10-20% of the time. That is something I feel I can sustain.

Now it is fair to say that the storms of life haven't given me a good pummeling lately. I take some credit for that, working hard to put myself in a position to succeed. However, fate is a cruel master and at some point I will face a big hurdle. That will be a big test wherein I will get to prove to myself I can do this in the longhaul. Eating healthy and exercising for my heart is something I MUST do. I don't need to be obsessive to an unhealthy degree, but it is equally (more?) unhealthy to neglect such things altogether as I did my last year in graduate school and first 2 years living in Arkansas.

Just wanted to let you know that I am actually reaching a place of some moderation, something I am not sure I've ever done and certainly not a place where I've been in awhile. I actually feel kind of normal. Feels nice.

Even though I don't think about food all the time anymore, I am going to continue to blog. I know that my mom especially has told me that she likes to read what it is that I'm thinking about. Additionally, I like to have a place to document what it is that I'm thinking -- a place I can go back to over time and see how my thoughts have evolved...or haven't. Finally, blogging as I have mentioned before helps me. It helps me to stay accountable and, equally or even more important, it helps me to understand things that I haven't necessarily realized until I write about them. It is nice to be able to post good news about how things are going, and I will continue to post, even when the going gets tough.

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