If you've been with me since the beginning, you know that one of the reasons I started this blog is because I thought about food ALL. THE. TIME. I thought about my weight loss. I thought about getting healthy. It consumed me, and not necessarily in a healthy way. I needed a place where I could get it all out -- and not burden everyone in my everyday life with those weird and obsessive thoughts.
Lately I have realized that I think about food less. Sure I still think about it a lot. Yes, getting healthy is one of the top couple initiatives I've got going on in my life right now. But I obsess about it much less. I don't immediately go to track something when I eat it. These days I know roughly what the points values of different foods are, what qualifies as a good choice, and whether or not I'm willing to splurge if something isn't exactly a stellar choice. I feel like I've reached some sort of an equilibrium. I still track things very closely, but it is not a kneejerk reaction or something I obsess about that much anymore.
I don't think I've arrived by any means. I still struggle with making good choices everyday. But, I think overall I am starting to get a better handle on this whole living healthy thing. I am now willing to accept that my modest successes at the scale -- even on weeks when I do boneheaded things and make poor decisions -- are the result of living and eating right 80-90% of the time and falling off the wagon 10-20% of the time. That is something I feel I can sustain.
Now it is fair to say that the storms of life haven't given me a good pummeling lately. I take some credit for that, working hard to put myself in a position to succeed. However, fate is a cruel master and at some point I will face a big hurdle. That will be a big test wherein I will get to prove to myself I can do this in the longhaul. Eating healthy and exercising for my heart is something I MUST do. I don't need to be obsessive to an unhealthy degree, but it is equally (more?) unhealthy to neglect such things altogether as I did my last year in graduate school and first 2 years living in Arkansas.
Just wanted to let you know that I am actually reaching a place of some moderation, something I am not sure I've ever done and certainly not a place where I've been in awhile. I actually feel kind of normal. Feels nice.
Even though I don't think about food all the time anymore, I am going to continue to blog. I know that my mom especially has told me that she likes to read what it is that I'm thinking about. Additionally, I like to have a place to document what it is that I'm thinking -- a place I can go back to over time and see how my thoughts have evolved...or haven't. Finally, blogging as I have mentioned before helps me. It helps me to stay accountable and, equally or even more important, it helps me to understand things that I haven't necessarily realized until I write about them. It is nice to be able to post good news about how things are going, and I will continue to post, even when the going gets tough.
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