Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Today as I mentioned I felt crappy. Last night I just could not sleep for more than an hour, waking up very often because of a toothache and a bad headache. Today I still had a headache, I felt slightly achy, and I just felt very emotionally off. I went to work, did my best, had my meetings, and finally ended up leaving at around 12:45 to come home and sleep and try to get better and get some more work done.

I knew I was on edge. I wasn't sure why. I ended up going on a premeditated binge. It was gross and terrible. And the funny thing is as I was standing in line at Target with my pulsing headache and basket full of peanut butter M+Ms, chip dip, and pretzels on my way to get a burger, I knew I would feel like trash after I ate all of this stuff. However for some reason I wanted to eat all the stuff so badly that I did it. And, sure enough, I felt like trash emotionally after I ate all the stuff. And having to clean up the trash after I took a nap was just like a slap in the face, reminding me of my failure.

I am trying to understand not only what causes these binges, but also to figure out what I can do instead of actually following through with them. I know they are bad news, so why do I do them? They remind me of Romans 7:15.
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.


  1. Maybe we can set up a binge hotline. You text/call when you are at Target, and I talk to you about random other stuff while you drive back home, pop a vitamin-I and go to bed for a nap.

    (hugg) Be nice to my friend!

  2. Sarah, you are so brave to write this post.
    I second the hotline suggestion, when you feel like this, give me a call to talk about anything. hugs

  3. Hey Sarah, I owe you an apology. Read this post not long after you published it, but didn't have much time and meant to come back later and try to offer some encouragement. Of course, I forgot. Now it concerns me that you haven't posted in a couple of days. I do hope you are feeling better. You were doing so well, but as we both know, there are always going to be difficult times and times we just don't give a rip. But we try to work through it and then pick ourselves up and continue on. Let us know if things have improved. If they haven't, know I am here praying for you and supporting you however I can. Sharon


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