My Inner Fat Girl Lives

You know the saying "No news is good news"? It tends not to be true when weight loss/healthy living bloggers bow out of the blogosphere for awhile.

My absence over the last week was accompanied by a 10 lb. gain from last Wednesday to Sunday. I don't know what to say except that I started by allowing myself little treats. Then I stopped tracking. Then the wheels fell off and I went over the side of the proverbial cliff.

What do I mean? Well, for example, making a 9x13" carrot cake for Christmas and eating 75% of it in 24 hours before finally throwing the rest away. Copious, copious amounts of eating and throwing caution to the wind. Stuff that is in no way normal and most people would just not understand (and, I am almost certain, would be universally ashamed of).

Now, please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say because I'm not exactly sure how to articulate it. Here it goes: I am learning to embrace failure. It's not that I like it per se and I certainly don't seek it out. However, for me it is probably the best learning tool I have and when I learn the most about myself with respect to the healthy living/decision making thing. Therefore, I embrace it and try to squeeze every lesson possible out of a failure. Hence, I am chalking the gain up to a learning experience and not beating myself up about it.

After this holiday's collosal failure learning experience, I'm easing back on to the healthy eating road. I've been making mostly wise decisions, while still allowing myself some leeway as it is still the holidays. I've come down from my week-high of 239.2 (conveniently on my weigh-in day, sigh) and this morning weighed in at 233.4. I've gone to the gym the last few days. I've finished and/or tossed most of the leftover junk. Starting next week with my new WW week, I believe I will go back to tracking in earnest. For me it is just too hard with holiday parties and the lack of structure with my time right now.

While I did have a few moments of panic and "this is not worth it" upon seeing the huge gains last week, I am proud of myself for getting back on the proverbial wagon. More importantly, I probably actually believe now more than ever that this IS worth it and that my health should remain a priority -- not just because we're entering the new year, but because I am worth it and healthiness is something you don't usually appreciate until it's gone. I, on the other hand, am trying not to take my health for granted, and to enjoy every moment of health that I have.