Riding it out

Last week I didn't track for Weight Watchers. This week so far I haven't either. In fact, my eating yesterday was atrocious -- very stressful day. Today was a bit better. Through the last two days of intense boringness and stress (the paradox of all day meetings), exercise has been my sanity. I can't believe it. I was sooo looking forward to my Body Flow (yoga, pilates, tai chi) class yesterday and water aerobics today.

I would really like to get my eating together again soon though. My friend and I are tentatively planning a trip to Disney World in October. I really hope we are able to make it work. I really need something to look forward to. I have been in day-to-day survival mode here for so long; this would be something I can look forward to with joy not anxiety or dread. I would love to see and catch up with my friend (and possibly meet another great friend who lives in the Orlando area for dinner or something), and I can think of no better place to do it than the happiest place on earth! (which we both love)

Although I don't believe in the "Lose x lbs. by y time frame" type goals anymore (reason: I realize I can only control my behaviors -- while the scale is likely to follow, there is no guarantee and sometimes it does weird things), I would love to lose another 10 lbs (or more) in the next two months. While this seems doable, there has to be something better -- more manageable and measurable -- that I aim for. Maybe tracking at least half the weeks (or more) or something like that? Suggestions, peanut gallery?

Lately, I have just been riding it out. Working to deal with the emotions and the sadness that seem to come in waves. I am starting to notice a difference with the Wellbutrin. I am feeling more like myself, although I still sometimes feel sad and in a daze. I am working to cope with this and deal with the intense and overwhelming sadness in ways other than with food. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not. I don't beat myself up over it and am working to give myself latitude. While a part of me is sad/angry with myself that I am not losing, I am very proud that I am continuing to work out regularly and with vigor and am maintaining my weight. I will get back to WL when I am ready. I have been in this mental holding pattern before -- and it was 9 months and 25 lbs ago. I am confident that I can deal with my issues, get things mentally squared a way, and -- when the time is right, get back to pushing toward a lower weight. I have been at this place before -- a self imposed plateau to get things in my head squared away so that I was back and re-engaged in losing weight, not resenting it. I am confident I will get out of here again. A healthy life, though, is not something you take time off from. I will continue to eat a bunch of fruits and vegetables, workout, and see a counselor to improve my mental health. But I'm not going to lie, I would love to get all this squared away soon so I am soon excited about losing weight again and willing to do the work it will require.