Friday, August 13, 2010

"Please be nice to my friend"

I was talking to a friend I hadn't talked to in a looooong time -- since she moved out of the country very early in the year. It was so nice to catch up. It was funny, since she reads my blog she knows a bit about what's going on (at least the food-related parts and more lately all of the depression crap I have been slogging through).

She said something when we talked around lunch that stuck with me all of yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about it. She said after reading my blog for a few months, "You are so hard on yourself! When I read some of what you write I think 'Please be nice to my friend!' " Wow, is she right.

I need to fix this. I need to be kind and forgiving to myself, especially when I make mistakes. I need to take credit for what I have done. I tend to focus on how much of what's left I haven't done, and on how I have made mistakes even along the way of my journey so far. One of the books my psychologist gave me to read talks about this and says that the reasons mental thought patterns like this exist in our heads is because, at one time or another, they were working for us -- helping us. My friend even acknowledged that she is hard on herself, and that she would have never become as academically successful were she not hard on herself. The same is probably true of me as well.

...but there can be no doubt that this thought pattern -- at least in my personal life -- is harmful to me, and must stop. Just thought I would put it out there for myself, to document where I am, and for anyone else who might find this helpful and/or struggle with the same thing. Thank you to my friend for lovingly and supportively pointing this out - you know who you are :) I appreciate her being protective of me from afar -- protecting me from myself and from negative self-talk, and caring enough to bring this up.

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