Big Milestones Ahead

Have you ever driven on a trip before and, because it's not new to you, you start to anticipate milestones that you know are coming up?

"Oh, we're about 20 miles from the mountains and it's so beautiful when we drive through them."

"Wow, the snack bar at the QuikTrip is to die for, we should stop and get a soda when we get to the Springfield exit."

"I can't stand the smell of cows when we get to the Oklahoma border."

This is kind of where I am on my journey right now. As I've mentioned, I've only ever lost this weight one time before, but wow was it memorable! I'm coming up on some familiar territory, and I'm looking forward to it.

The first time I lost weight was in graduate school, and I started out at 289.5. I eventually worked my way down to 229.5. I lost these 60 lbs not by doing anything special really. I ate healthy and swam a lot, but I did this totally without a program. I basically just tried to eat whole foods, including tons of vegetables. I didn't count calories or WW points, I just freestyled it. It worked, but I was not able to get any lower. In retrospect although my diet was healthy I was eating too much and not controlling portion sizes. Having been on WW for awhile now, I can also say that I drank a ton of milk the first time around. This isn't something I do much anymore because milk is actually pretty high in points.

I hung out at 229.5 for awhile (probably 4-5 months). During the Christmas season, I gained 5 lbs. and hung out around 235 for a good long while (probably 8 months). I then began to gain weight, as I have written about before. The most intense period of my weight gain was after my grandma died, but traveling around to get a job and not cooking much while finishing my dissertation did not help either.

I am pleased to announce that I am about to enter this territory once again. This morning I weighed in at 241.8, which is about 2.5 lbs away from a total of a 60 lb. loss. This was where I bottomed out the first time. I am also about 12.5 lbs away from my lowest weight ever as an adult. I will be elated when I get there. I'm already fitting back into many of the pants that I wore back when I was at my lowest weight, and wow does that feel great!

What lies beyond this familar-ish territory that I haven't been to in awhile? I have no idea.

I have to say that I never really understood it when people got scared as they are losing weight. I can mentally process why people freak out when they get unwanted attention from men, but -- having never been the focus of men's attention -- I could not really identify with it.

Now, I can say that I am kind of afraid of losing this weight. I have no idea why. I don't even consciously acknowledge this fear. However, when people do talk about reaching their goals, I cry -- and I am pretty sure it is not a happy cry, but a fearful "OMG what will I do?!" cry. I am not sure what I think about this, but I continue to explore this question when I have time to think about such things. I want to be proactive about dealing with this BEFORE I get anywhere near my goal weight rather than getting near the goal, freaking out, and running like hell away from it.

Speaking of goals -- I am only 15 miles away from my fativersary goal. I have ridden a total of 105 miles since I got my odometer/computer put on my bike and I can't wait to knock this goal -- the one I was so skeptical about making -- off of the list and out of the park.