Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What if my students find this blog?

I have to admit, the idea that my students (or colleagues for that matter) would find this blog kind of terrified me for a long time. I am now beginning to be ok with it. I'm not excited about the idea, mind you, but I am ok with it. Here's why.

First of all, I really don't dwell too much on the work-stuff on the blog. Yes I am working to do better at work, yes I am working to have it bother me less -- but I really do try to keep the specifics off the blog. It's not the time or the place since this blog is only about my struggle with weight and food. Plus, it's not appropriate if it has any sort of identifying info and they could find out. That would be just what I need to deal with when going up for tenure, right? ("But she called me a _____ on her food blog!")

Second of all, it is no secret that I've struggled with my weight. It is obvious that I have lost weight and students would probably guess that this journey is not easy. (Although, to be honest, I bet they have their own concerns and think about me and how fat I was rarely -- if they do at all.)

Third of all, professors are normal people with (for the most part) normal lives and lots of people don't realize that. We have feelings, emotions, struggles, and guilty pleasures like anyone else. I remember thinking when I was in undergrad that my professors must have these insanely academic, boring lives full of mystery but that is really not the case. I still read Perez Hilton, watch Survivor, and do all the inane mindless things I did before I had my PhD -- including, for a long time, living a sedentary lifestyle and overeating. Maybe if my students find this blog, it will demystify professor life and humanize me to them a little? Not the goal of this blog, but it could be a side effect perhaps.

Finally, I am doing this -- writing the blog and getting healthier -- for me. I'm not doing it for them. I get a lot out of writing this stuff down and chronicling the journey. If things get bad, I will just turn off the comments or, in the worst case, make the blog private.

I don't know if the students will find me on this blog or not. I have this linked from my Facebook (which most students cannot see since I STRONGLY limit the profile that shows to them), and I don't think I use anything that is google-traceable to my name. Other than that, it would have to be through a referral they would find out, or because they also have food issues and found me via a food-issues blog or Google search. Bottom line -- they probably won't find me but, even if they do, I think I am ok with that. I'm hoping it does not happen, but if it does I probably won't freak out like I initially thought I would. Just thought I would process this "out loud" and document it for later in case I need to remind myself not to freak out.

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