Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Irrational fear (aka Pants Part 2)

I have not been eating well while I am here. More accurately, I have been eating stellar-tasting things that are incredibly unhealthy. I was worried today that my jeans (which I haven't worn since being here) would not zip up. (Remember I just bought these jeans last week size 20, down from a size 26 at the start of this whole journey)

Fortunately, they fit fine. In fact they might even feel looser than I remember. I need to remember that weight super-gain does not happen overnight. It makes it all the more "impressive" that I managed to gain this much weight and make it almost to 300 -- it was a long, consistent effort not just a couple bad days of food choices.

My (somewhat irrational) zipper-related fear just goes to show that I still have no intuition as to when I am gaining and losing weight I guess. I need objective standards (e.g., the actual weight I am, the fit of clothes) to gauge my progress. I cannot just rely on how I feel (e.g., I feel like I am maintaining and doing fine!). It's helpful to realize that but kind of sad at the same time, as I feel like this is important to be able to "feel" my progress in the long run if that makes sense. That is, I don't want to feel tied to the scale but have a more intuitive sense as to whether I am doing well or need to step up my game in the food arena. In time, I could develop this. Who knows. The important thing is that I am making progress toward my longterm health goals (albeit slowly), and even if it takes looking at the scale everyday to realize that it is ok for now.

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