Going Public

I am a daily weigher. I like to see how I'm doing, and I recognize that sometimes weird things happen to affect the number on the scale (too much salt, water retention for various reasons), etc. I don't freak out when that happens. Although daily weighing can make some people manic, for some reason this number is just a number to me, but is one of a myriad of benchmarks I can use to measure whether I'm making progress and headed in the right direction on this get healthy journey.

That having been said, I'm going to be without a scale this week since I am traveling. I was delighted that last time I was out of town -- to somewhere with delicious food and beverages -- I was actually able to lose weight as a result to listening to my body's signals. I am really excited to give this listening to my body thing another go on this trip. I am less excited about not having a scale, though but here goes nothing.

I have mentioned before that I have lost weight one other time in my life. I consistently lost weight by eating clean, but not tracking much of anything -- points, calories, etc -- but just eating what I thought was right. However, during that WL journey I stalled out at 229.5. I was there for a reasonably long time (probably about 6 months), but the scale wouldn't move. This marked the lowest weight I had ever been as an adult

This morning I weighed in at 231.0. I couldn't believe it. Just 1.5 lbs off my lowest adult weight. I want to go public on my goal for this week: I would love to return from my trip 1.5 lbs (or more) lighter, tied at or below my lowest adult goal weight. When I pass this, it will be so significant and emotional for me and will begin a totally new chapter in this WL journey. It will also mean I will have lost 70 lbs! I am excited and hopeful that I can make this happen. If I don't, though, it's not the end of the world. I will get there in a few weeks if not this one (after all it's not a race to a number), but it sure would be cool to see that number sooner rather than later.

Biking Update

I have mentioned that one of my goals for the summer is to ride my bike 1000 miles.

I'm pleased to report that I'm 25% of the way there. I'm not sure if that is where I need to be or not, because it is poised to get hot and humid here very very soon in Arkansas. In fact, this past week was very tough to ride in because of the high humidity levels (one morning it literally said 100% humidity on weather.com -- I questioned how this was possible without it raining?!). I was sweating buckets by the time I arrived at work each morning.

It's also probably worth mentioning that I went two days in a row last week without a car, which is unusual for me. To give you an idea what this means, I live 5.5 miles from work. I went to the gym, movies, the bike shop, and a restaurant on my bike. I am really getting into this biking lifestyle, and I love it. I would love to get to the place where I can take on hills effortlessly (I usually walk the bike up two big hills I face on my commute), and where I am car free most days and only use it for long trips, grocery shopping, etc.

I have not formally mentioned it, but I am going to be very flexible with my definition of summer. I started the clock when I got my odometer installed (sometime in April), and I'll probably keep the challenge open until it either gets really cold, or until I make it to my goal. I do not want to fail on this one.

Commit to Fit wrapup, Measurements, and Progress Pictures

This semester, I participated in a program called Commit to Fit. They had several strength training sessions throughout the week, and did an initial, midterm, and final assessment of body composition and weight over the course of the midweek program.

In parallel, I also decided to take initial measurements and final measurements. Over the course of the program, I lost 16 lbs. Their measurement says that my body fat percentage remained the same (which by the way is still good given that my overall weight decreased), but my scale says that my body fat percentage has decreased and my muscle weight percentage has increased.

Most encouraging, though, is the fact that I lost 13.25" in 10 weeks. Can you believe that?! I have lost 1.5" on each arm, as I continue to push toward that August 1 gun show goal.

I took another set of progress pictures.

This shirt is too baggy for you to really see what is going on, but things look much better underneath, I promise. What I can tell you, though, is that when I started this journey I could not even wear this shirt in public as it was too tight to look decent. (Also, my posture in the second picture is terrible. Although 4.25" of the 13.25 did come from the chest, I promise the situation is not as bleak as it appears. I came directly from the gym in this picture, and that Enell sports bra is really doing its job of keeping the ladies confined - I wholeheartedly recommend that bra to well-endowed active ladies.)

I think you can see a lot of improvement since the beginning of the year. My face looks skinnier. My midsection is shrinking, right along with my chest. My arms too. Everything is toning up. Gotta keep the progress moving!

Swimming a Mile

As I mentioned, this semester I took a swim class at the gym at school. This Thursday was the last time our class met, and we swam a mile for time. They had been warning us that this was coming for awhile, and helping us to build up our times.

Here is a picture of me with the instructors of swim class, Colby and Sarah Beth. This was taken after I swam the mile that I describe in this post.

PS Can you believe I am posting a picture of me in a swimsuit online? Because I can't.

In case you're not familiar, to swim a mile you should go 1650 yards. This is 33 laps, or "down and backs" -- 66 lengths of the pool. Now that I am in shape, endurance/stamina really is not my problem. I probably could swim 5 miles if I were really pressed to, in fact -- but I would be hard pressed to do it quickly. Thus, I was excited about the opportunity to do this race for time. It will be another way for me to document how I will improve at getting in shape over time (given that this is the first time I have ever swum this distance for time).

Sadly/fortunately, the ranks of our class really thinned out over the course of the semester. In fact, there were so few people on the last day that each of us got our own half a lane. I was on the outside half lane, so I didn't have a great view of everything that was going on.

Here's the rundown of the folks who were in the class: there were five swimmers. I will describe them in the order we were placed in the lanes. The cast of characters were:

• Moi.
• Hairy - Really nice guy who swam next to me. He swam in the faster half of the slow lane back when a bunch of people came. Named Hairy because he has been growing out his beard all semester. Doesn't he know that will slow him down by causing drag in?! (Joke)
• New Guy - He came only for the last part of class. He is quiet and faster than I am. Pretty buff guy, but I know nothing about his personality.
• The Situation - This guy is a complete moron just like that loser from the Jersey Shore. He is ripped, but I think his mouth/attitude/ego are even bigger than his muscles (which, admittedly are large). He talks a HUGE game about how fast he is but will often choke with muscle cramps and stop swimming. He has a huge crush on our instructor but will not admit it. I. CANNOT. STAND. THIS. GUY!!!
• Igor - This is the dude's real name. Not too sure what to say about him other than I think he is the kind of guy who is good at things, but tries to get away with doing the minimum. He is kind of whiny when they make us do hard things in class.

The swim instructors told us to arrive early and get warmed up. I made sure to get a 200 in before class so that I was ready to go. I also stretched, which I had been sloppy about doing all semester.

When they told us to go, Hairy and I swam at the same pace for the first several laps. My flip turns are good, so I was able to keep up with him and pass him slightly on each turn. He would then swim faster than me and catch up by the end of the lane. We were even for probably the first 200-300 yards (out of 1650). Although my view was limited, I could see that New Guy and the Situation took off really fast and passed us early on. I was trying to be aggressive with my time, yes, but I also wanted to make sure I could go the whole time at a decent pace. I thought for sure the Situation would go fast but then flame out and that I would pass him at some point.

As time progressed, I could see that New Guy had lapped me twice. I also began to pull away from Hairy. My goal was to lap him. As someone who has been lapped her ENTIRE swimming career, I did want to know what that felt like to be able to lap someone else. (In case you're curious it feels great.) In fact, I ended up lapping him four times. I think what happened is that he would stop at the end of the lane to catch his breath, and the little breaks got longer and longer each lap whereas I just powered through (again, I am built for endurance but not really for speed). I could not see what the Situation was doing and -- because Igor arrived 8 minutes after the rest of us had already been going -- I had no idea Igor was even in the picture.

Around lap 10 I lost count of how many laps I had done. However, I was able to see that the New Guy lapped me twice. Because I had lost track of the number of laps I had done (and as a result, how many I had left to go), I did not know when to really give it my final push. Ideally, I would have loved to pick up the pace with about 5 laps remaining. However, I had no idea when that actually was in my part of the race. Our instructors had told us they thought it would take us between 30 and 40 minutes to finish. I calculated that if I did 1:00 laps, it would take me 33 minutes so I did not start to wonder how close to the end I was until the clock turned to 33:00. After that, though, I kept an eye for New Guy to be stopped and resting at the end of the lane. I knew that when I saw it, that was my cue to really pick up the pace and make a strong dash for the finish since I would have only two laps remaining.

When I saw he had stopped, I began to push really hard toward the finish line. I gave it what I had. When I pulled up to the finish line, I heard that someone finished in 38:41 and someone finished in 38:44. I thought the Situation beat me by 3 seconds and I was SO ANGRY at myself. When I asked "Did he really just beat me by 3 seconds?", my instructor said, "No! You beat him!" Man, did that feel great!! My final time was 38:41. This equates to 50s that were done around a 1:10 pace. So nice to beat him, even though I tried not to be a sore winner.

I was pleased with my time (although I didn't really know what to expect), and was certainly happy that I had beaten the Situation. However, I was slightly annoyed at myself because I had some gas left in the tank and I wish I would have been able to turn up the effort a few laps earlier. Oh well, next time I will keep better track.

This semester in swim class, I had three main goals.

1. I wanted to improve my stroke. I think I can consider this a success. My freestyle is probably a bit better. They taught me to correctly do the backstroke, which I think is now much better than when I started. I can kind of do the fly, which is more than I can say at the beginning of the class. I still suck at (and despise) the breaststroke though. Overall, though, I say this goal was met.
2. I wanted to get faster. I do not have any data to confirm that this goal was met, but I do think it was. Plenty of room for improvement on this goal though.
3. I wanted to be able to get out of the pool on the blocks. Even in high school, I used to have to use the ladder to get out of the pool. I wanted to not have to rely on this anymore. I can now easily get out of the pool on the blocks. This feels great to have accomplished. GUN SHOW BABY!!

Overall I would give myself a B+ or A- for my effort in this class. All of my absences were "excused" (not that they took attendance, but I didn't go if I was legitimately sick, out of town for business, etc. and always went when I could). I could have improved my attitude toward the relays, but overall I really did give my best in 95% of all cases, trying to do what they asked even when I was too slow or unable to.

I hear they are offering this class again in the summer. I am excited to take it. I would love to be able to swim the mile in 35 minutes next time. Thanks Sarah Beth and Colby for a great class, and thank you Situation for allowing me to feel the thrill of victory!!! Better luck next time.

The environment

I have been riding my bike quite a bit lately. I love it. Incidentally, I want to go public and so I am more likely to meet my fativersary goal. I would like to ride between 75 and 80 miles from the time I wrote the post. I will meet this goal when the odometer on my bike reads 120. As of today it reads 76.6, which is progress from the 45ish that it read when I started on Saturday. Maybe this goal *is* doable. It depends on the weather, as well as my schedule (for example, I am out of town for a few days this week, making it impossible to bike then). I thought it was a real stretch when I made the goal.

One of the things I have been noticing is the importance of the environment when biking. My commute is about 5.5 miles each way, and it takes me about 35 minutes on a normal day. However, life can change a lot depending on the wind. A headwind (aka, riding into the wind) sucks so hard, and -- although I am sure a tailwind is great -- I have to say I rarely notice it.

Isn't that how life is? I am often so quick to realize (and complain about) it when life sucks. However, when life is going really well, I don't always notice it. It is just like riding with a tailwind. The going is easy and I feel so fast. I feel like I am floating sometimes. I can't take credit though. I mean, ok, I am doing SOME of the work but mostly it's just that the environment is making easy for me to succeed. It helps out, and without even making a huge impression or without me even noticing it.

Isn't that what this weight loss journey is like sometimes? For me it is. Sometimes life is going so well, and I barely notice that I'm making progress towards my goals. It's just part of the routine. I've got a weight loss tailwind. Sometimes, however, I have to struggle for every. single. good. choice. I need to try to notice when life is good, and when I am actually riding with a tailwind rather than just lamenting the headwinds.

To all of my friends in real life, I really appreciate it when you help me out with my journey. I appreciate it when you are willing to go to healthier restaurants. I appreciate your patience when I have to ask for nutritional information. I appreciate when you have fruits and veggies instead of or in addition to normal unhealthy appetizer food. And most of all, I appreciate you listening to me when I am upset, or encouraging me along this road. You are my tailwind, and I will try to take you for granted less. You have been an important part of my journey so far, and I am grateful for your help -- even when I don't even realize that you're helping.

I can't wait

I was just looking at cute clothes at Express online. Their biggest size is a 12, but wow do I love their fashions. I hope I can fit into them someday. I have no idea what size I will be when I reach my goal weight, but I do hope I can shop at Express.

Accessories

The other day I was watching the Biggest Loser (worthy of its own individual post, for sure). With the exception of Season 2 with Matt and Suzy, this a recent addition to my TV viewing. I am now watching the season where Ali wins (season 6 maybe?).

In the episode where they do the Prevention magazine photoshoot, they have to go to Macy's to pick outfits so that they can get all dressed up for their photo spread. Both Ali and Brittany have the same comment -- one that I have thought all the time. It made me realize that maybe most of us bigger girls share it.

They talked about the number of shoes, purses, and accessories they had. I am the same way. This is particularly ironic given that I didn't consistently carry a purse (favoring a sensible wristlet or nothing for a good 5 years, with short hiatuses) until earlier this year. I think my inability to shop for flattering clothes for so long also explains my obsession with any sort of Bath and Body Works, Body Shop, etc. products. There are no sizes on lotions or body butters. Bring it on baby! However, when I'd go shopping with friends accessories would be one of the only things I could shop for in many of the stores, because they would be one of the only things that would fit. Even shoes are tough for me to find -- although easier than plus sized clothes -- because I wear a size 11. I just don't fit into regular sizes yet, so finding them when I'm shopping requires a trip either to a special section of a store or to a special store altogether. Yes friends, I think my weight has fueled my love of bags, purses, earrings, and lotions. This is a result of hating the way I looked and hating having to face the dreaded three-way mirror present in most dressing rooms.

One of the things I am looking forward to most about getting further down the road of this journey is being able to shop at normal stores and know that they will have something to fit me!!! I think that life will improve a lot once I get solidly to a size 18. Most stores carry 16s so life will be even better then. If I'm a size 12 or 14 most all stores will carry clothes for me -- save the really fancy designers who design only for anorexics. I think some of them stop at a size 10. Fortunately, a) I can't afford these clothes anyway making it a non-issue, b) I live in Arkansas so no one here would sell them, c) no one would really know whether I was wearing Versace anyway here, and d) I really just don't care that much about labels.

I am currently a size 20 for most things (save the pants on the clothing hit list) after starting out at a 26. I am making progress and am kind of close to being able to get back in 18s. I've got a ways to go to be a 14 or 12, but I will get there. It will take time, but I am excited for the day to come!

Where I have been...

First of all, I appologize for the lack of posting lately. Things have been busy and, well, I have fallen off the wagon somewhat and that is exactly when I should be posting. I have also been really discouraged.

As to the "Yay I can exercise!" and "Wow, I am so going to own this Thanksgiving!" posts? Yeah, not going so well. I woke up several times through the night on Sunday with excruciating hip pain that has lasted all week. It totally sucks. My eating this week has been good sometimes, but mediocre to poor most of the time.

Things really took a downward turn when I went to Sam's Club Friday night. I happened on an event called "Taste of Sam's" (a complete coincidence) which was a sample day on steroids -- they had SO much good stuff to try! My favorite thing they had was smoked cheddar cheese. Man it was delicious. I made a mistake and I bought some: 1.16 lbs of cheese. I ate it in two days. Man.

The next day was Saturday and, like I posted, I had to work. It was catered with Panera and I did ok, but the food was not healthy and there were no fruits or veggies. Diet for the day: Panera, lots of milk, cheese, crackers, and hummus. Not stellar, and sorely sorely lacking in fruits and veggies.

The next day I finished off the cheese and ate dinner with friends. Great to catch up with them, and we made delicious (and relatively healthy) gyros. Go us. Eating grade for that day was a solid B.

Monday I have no idea what happened but I was so munchy. Perhaps I was genuinely hungry, I don't know. Either way, the bottom line is I ate 4 cookies and 1 brownie over the course of the day (in addition to regular food). By the way, we're not talking about normally-sized cookies either, but rather the "we're catering and giving you a cookie that is the size of 2.5 cookies" variety. Not stellar. Lunch was catered for a faculty meeting, and in the evening I went out to eat and overdid it. A tiny victory there is that I did take about half of the dinner home because it was too big for me to eat at once.

Yesterday I did ok not great on the food horizon.

I have really hit a rough patch with the exercise. My doctor says I can and should exercise, but since the hip issues have resurfaced with a vengeance, I sometimes really cannot exercise. I took Saturday and Sunday off, partially because of laziness, partially because of legitimate busy-ness, and I do honestly think it is ok and that I don't need to exercise 7 days a week. That is a slippery slope to start down, though.

Monday I went to aqua abs and tried to go to a PiYo class (pilates/yoga fusion). The water stuff felt ok to good, especially the stretching parts. I only did half of the PiYo class. I did not do anything with intense twisting or anything that caused me extreme discomfort. I ultimately got frustrated and was hurting too badly so I quit halfway into the class. Yesterday, I did the elliptical machine for about 25 minutes and did about half of a cycling class before I quit. It hurt too bad (even though cycling is supposed to be good for my hips and back) so I left. I then was in bed for the rest of the day, laying down. Crap.

When I went to the doctor last week, she gave me a prescription for 15 mg Meloxicam. This is an anti-inflammatory drug and is supposed to help with the arthritis and back stuff. She suggested I take it on an as needed basis. As I have mentioned, I really despise taking medicine. I would much rather go the all-natural way and/or tough it out when possible. However, that is clearly not working in the case of my hip/back issues and so I have buckled and started taking the Meloxicam once a day for now. The first day it really helped, but yesterday it did not do much (or, if it did, I think I would have passed out without it...)

I am really frustrated with all of this. I think I am going to start physical therapy at the first of the year. I am nowhere near my insurance deductible for the year, and everything is out of pocket up until I meet the deductible -- so waiting it is. I have ordered a yoga video that is to stretch, align, and strengthen the hips. I am hopeful that will help in the meantime. If anyone else has other suggestions, please offer them. I will try most anything at this point.

5 lbs by November 30?

This morning I weighed in at 258.4, which is outside my control limits. Yesterday afternoon I felt like an absolute hiefer. I think I had gas or something that made me feel bloated, but I have definitely gained a bit of real weight in the last few weeks. My eating has been TERRIBLE and not exercising did not help either. Also yesterday the workout clothes I brought? A bit tight, and absolutely not a flattering shirt (even had a food stain on the boob -- lovely). Also had to don a swimsuit for the first time in awhile. It wasn't pretty.

ANYWAY...back on topic. I said I would like to emerge from Thanksgiving not just by staying even but with a loss. I will need to work out hard and watch what I eat in preparation for Thanksgiving. I am going to indulge on Thanksgiving and eat some delicious food, please understand. However, I am going to work to not let it turn into an all-out glutton fest, eating 5 lbs of mashed potatoes myself (seriously, I could do it).

So the number I'd like to be at? Something <=253.4 lbs. This number has been reached as a result of the following:

1. It represents the lowest weight I've been on this journey. I think the first time it might have been a fluke though.
2. I think 5 lbs in 2 weeks is doable given that I haven't been working on this in awhile. My body should let the weight go, especially with a sudden increase in activity level.
3. Why not be ambitious?

So, I will keep you posted. Lately I have become a daily weigher, which I know is not what WW would recommend but I guess I am obsessive like that. I don't freak out too much when there is a big change -- it is mostly for informational purposes. I will keep you posted. I only half believe that I can actually do this, so encouragement is most certainly appreciated. Anyone else want to jump on this wagon with me now?