Peanut Butter

When I went to Yosemite last month, I had PBJ for the first time in probably a couple years. It was SO GOOD! I loved it and didn't even realize what I'd been missing for so long. And I wanted to have some to make at my house!

I rarely have bread at my house -- it's not that I don't like it, it's just not something I can usually go through fast enough so it usually molds so I don't have it often. When I DO have it though, I make sure it is the good stuff either from a good bakery or something I've made myself.

About three weeks ago, I had bread that I had gotten to make grilled cheese (another favorite, which I am sure is no surprise). I decided I wanted to have PBJ sandwiches too, but I really did think long and hard before deciding to do that. Why?

PB has been a longstanding binge food for me -- one of those things that, in the past, I'd dig into with a spoon, a glass of milk, and more often than not a heavy heart. In the past it's typically been eaten by the jar, not the tablespoonful. So I wondered -- should I get the PB for PBJ? My typical workarounds for foods like this are either to get single serving containers (e.g., Doritos), eat the food at a restaurant (e.g., ice cream) so I only have a single size, or to avoid the food altogether. I could not figure out a way to easily do any of these things, so I decided a) that I really did want the PBJ; it was worth the risk and that b) if it became a problem, I would wash it down the sink (throwing it away isn't always enough -- I've been known to trash dig in the past).

I am pleased to report that my PB is still around. It's been about three weeks and I've enjoyed lots of PBJ delicacies including the straight up sandwich and the PBJ pizza. I think I will try it with oatmeal next week.

The best part? The peanut butter isn't even a temptation. I've been totally enjoying it but not obsessing over it or thinking about the next chance I'd have to eat it.

I am so glad that OA and God are helping me to overcome my food compulsions. I could not even have imagined having PB in my house a year ago and, if it had been there, I am sure I would have been absolutely on edge white-knuckling it through the temptation until I probably would have given in and eaten it all. Now I feel nothing toward that PB. I am so incredibly grateful (but I'm not ready to try to have Nutella in my house just yet).

Giving it Up

Since I started to attend OA (which I do pretty much exclusively on the phone, but usually 3-4 times/week), my journey to get healthy has taken a decidedly spiritual turn. These themes play heavily in this post.

This morning, I went to go see Fork over Knives. It's basically a film advocating a vegan-based diet and advocating viewing food as medicine -- something that can not only prevent but also heal chronic diseases (they focused on cancer, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes). A little preachy, but not too bad.

While I do eat tons of produce (I calculated last week that I probably have 1.5ish lbs of produce/day), I also eat meat and dairy. While meat is something that I feel I could cut out of my diet without too much heartache, I would have a really really hard time giving up dairy. I love yogurt. I love milk. I love cottage cheese. I love kefir. I love basically all forms of dairy that I've tried.

But most of all I love cheese.

One of the big arguments in the film against dairy was that it is high in casein, a protein that some studies show can encourage the growth of cancerous cells. I thought to myself, "If I had cancer and after researching it concluded that dairy was hurting me, would I really be able to give up cheese?" I batted this idea around for 5-10 minutes while I continued watching the film and decided I could not. I'd rather die than give up cheese. And I really did mean it literally.

Only after I rendered this decision did it strike me how absolutely absurd this was, and how deeply engrained my dysfunctional food thinking is. To be willing to continually self-injure or at least not prevent something that will happen as a result of your actions is just -- I don't even know. It's sad. But in that theatre, I decided I'd rather do that than to give up a food that I loved.

This reminded me of the passage of the rich young ruler in the Bible. Basically, a rich young guy asks Jesus what he needs to do to go to heaven. Jesus tells him he needs to sell everything and follow Him, but the man is sad and ultimately can't do it. And for me, the money is food. Would I really be willing to give up food and rely on Jesus instead?

It's one of those situations where you're not really sure until faced with the situation (as opposed to a hypothetical musing), but after praying and working through this issue much of the day I can finally say that I think I could do it. I would give up dairy if it were hurting my health or if I felt led by God to do it. And that is submission in its ultimate form, and a very huge step for me. One more step in this long, difficult journey.

Snow 2.0

OMG it snowed almost 2 feet here yesterday. This is certainly not what I had in mind when I moved from Michigan to Arkansas! School has been cancelled for the last two days, which means I have been stuck inside. AGAIN. We all know how that went last week.

On the one hand, I was/am kind of annoyed to have to face such a hard challenge again. As I reflect on it, though, this is a second chance to make up for what I did wrong last time. I can prove to myself that I CAN do this. I am stronger than food.

My goal for the time I was stuck inside was to track my food. Even if it was bad, I would track it as a way to be accountable for my decisions.

So how have I done? Pretty well overall. I did not meet my goal of tracking -- I stopped on the first day. However, I have done really well on my water intake, I have not made any sweets, and have eaten really healthfully and mindfully. I've probably eaten more than I would on a "normal" day, but I realized something from last time's experience. A lot of times for me those "I want (unhealthy food of choice...)" thoughts are actually hunger that my body is manifesting in an odd way. Instead of satisfying that hunger with (unhealthy food of choice...), it can often be met another related, more healthy way. For example, instead of making cookies I can eat a sweet piece of fruit. If the craving is more high in fat/salt content, I can have cottage cheese or reduced fat cheese. I usually feel satisfied and the craving goes away -- because my hunger has been satisfied. Also I find it so much easier to stop eating fruit when I am satisfied than I usually do with (unhealthy food of choice...) -- mostly because I rarely keep unhealthy choices around so I feel like they are going to disappear on me and I gobble them up like a possessed mad woman. Odd/dysfunctional thinking, but something deeply engrained and that I am working to change.

As a result of this realization -- that cravings are really hunger in disguise -- I have been vigilant about making sure I stay satisfied and not very hungry which helps me avoid strong cravings and, as a result, binges. I am pleased with this strategy, and we will see how it works out for me at this week's weigh in. Regardless, it is so good for my psyche to have made it through this snowstorm without a binge or monumentally unhealthy choices.

Struggling

School is cancelled because the weather sucks. I am stuck in the house. I want to eat eat eat -- something warm and cozy. I will fight this thought and try to do something else to take my mind off of food!!!

Enjoying Food and Spaghetti Squash recipe

Today I realized that I enjoy food so much more now than when I weighed 300 lbs and ate a ton more of it. It is very counterintuitive.

I now enjoy cooking and trying new things. I did not do this as often when I was bigger -- I had the old standbys, and I valued quantity and the escapist value of food far more than savoring the food I was eating and the creativity and health benefits of enjoying the food I was eating.

Today I made a new dish and got to try spaghetti squash for the first time. It was amazing. I don't have photos and they wouldn't look that great even if I did -- but trust me, this recipe is really good.

Ingredients

Spaghetti squash

A couple cloves of garlic

Onion, tomato, red peppers -- whatever veggies you have on hand, really

Bit of olive oil to sauté veggies

1-2 oz fresh parmesan cheese

Handful of basil

2 T capers

2 lemons

Cut the spaghetti squash in half and clean out the seeds. Place the spaghetti squash rind side up on a greased cookie sheet and bake it at 375 F. You should cook it until a sharp knife can easily pierce the skin. The time will vary, but for me it took about 40-45 min. While the squash is baking, cut up the veggies and mince the garlic. Sauté the garlic and sauté-able veggies (onions, peppers, etc). If you use tomatoes, toss them in toward the end so they can just get warm and barely cooked and not turn saucy. Set the vegetables aside. In a separate bowl, combine the capers, finely chopped basil, and the two lemons you have juiced. You can also shred the parmesan into the mixture, but you may choose to wait on this.

Once the spaghetti squash is finished cooking, take it out of the oven and let it cool until you can easily pick it up. Once you can pick it up, scoop the "guts" out with a spoon. The meat of the squash is fine little cylinders like angel hair pasta (hence the name). Add the cooked veggies and lemon/caper/basil mixture and stir well. You can either scoop into a bowl and then grate the parmesan on top or mix the parmesan in (but it will blend in and kind of melt if all of the veggies and the squash is too hot, which you may want to avoid for aesthetic reasons). Then enjoy it!

It tastes so good, but is so low in calories that you will likely need a big serving to stay full. I ate about 1/3 of the recipe that I made with 2c milk, a grapefruit, and a banana and was starving by 2 PM. I had a string cheese but couldn't shake the hunger and had to finally eat dinner at 3:30. I enjoyed this lunch immensely but in the future will probably find a way to eat more protein to stay fuller so I am not famished so quickly after eating it.

Retro WW Experiment

I have written before about how much I loved my grandma (who I called Mema). She too struggled with her weight, and spent much of her life on WW.

Recently I have discovered a very cool gross cool blog where a girl is living the original circa 1972 WW plan. Some Most of the stuff that she cooks and was part of the original sounds absolutely disgusting, but it is amazing to see where the plan started. I could have never stuck to that plan!!!

However, I have accepted the challenge to make one of the original WW recipes. I will do so in honor of Mema, who I loved very much and miss. I just hope that this recipe does not contain liver (a staple on the original WW). While I've read about the nutritional benefits of liver, I just can't understand how an organ made to filter waste from the body can be good for you. I'll get my protein from other sources like shrimp and cottage cheese, thanks...

Losing Myself

DISCLAIMER - if reading about unhealthy food is a trigger for you, consider skipping this post

I wrote yesterday about how I no longer view food as good or bad. One of the things I have been adamant about this time around on the WL journey is that I would enjoy it. It is hard, yes, but I find that I enjoy the food I eat now much more than I ever enjoyed it when I was fat. It is weird. It is like my tastebuds are more sensitive now. It is also true that I no longer eat whatever I want whenever I want, so I have to make each treat count more if that makes sense.

A few weeks ago, I had the weirdest thing happen to me. It really freaked me out and I still haven't totally figured it out.

I had been eating clean for about a week. It started to feel really easy and natural. It was great. Just like a honeymoon period. Then, I started to get very odd cravings. I wanted lentils. I wanted milk. I craved apples. AWESOME!

Then I realized something -- I DIDN'T want a lot of stuff that I liked. I mean lentils sounded even better to me than cheese dip. Better than a burger. Better than red velvet cake. And more than that, none of those things even sounded good to me. Nowhere near as good as a nice glass of skim milk with a handful of almonds.

hold up a minute here.... WHAT?!?!

I am not going to lie. I freaked out. Seriously, I really honestly did. I ended up eating several of the things like cheese dip that I enjoy just to make sure I still liked them. They were not at all satisfying. I ate them anyways and ended up regretting it. It was as though my brain was trying to convince my tastebuds that cheese dip still was the end all/be all of food. They were not getting convinced.

I have to admit that this revelation was very sad.

One of the things I have been both concerned about and vigilant against is trading one form of disordered eating and food abuse (bingeing, emotional overeating, etc) for another (e.g., anorexia). Though I am not a psychologist or anyone with any sort of training in this area, I think I see a lot of this in the WL blogosphere. It makes me sad. I also don't think it is healthy or sustainable. In fact, in reading through my own archives some stunningly unhealthy patterns have emerged in my own behavior -- I used to work out 2 hours at a time almost 6 days a week. WTH?!? Not sustainable in real life. I am aiming for moderation in all areas, including exercise and food.

Feeling like I didn't enjoy my historical favorite foods made me feel like I was losing a little bit of myself. It was sudden and unexpected. I didn't like it, and OMG did I revolt. I didn't jump off the deep end but I will admit that it was one of the most unsettling feelings I had felt on this weight loss journey, and it was a hard obstacle to overcome.

I've come to recognize that sometimes I'm in the mood for a treat. Sometimes I'm not. And that is ok. Just because I don't want cheese dip all the time with incredible urgency doesn't mean I won't crave it sometimes or won't ever like it again. And when I do crave it, it isn't bad to have it.

Man, learning these lessons is hard. I feel like the work I did over the last six months has been so tedious and hard. During this time, I fluctuated within the same 5-7 lb window -- gaining and losing and gaining and losing. During this time, I've also encountered mental roadblocks and scaled them one by one. I now feel like it's been like clearing out a forest. Now a lot of the trees are down and the stumps are uprooted and moved out of the way. And now I can sail on down the scales for awhile until I hit the next thicket of issues that need worked through. Although I am physically losing myself and shedding the weight, I refuse to lose who I am and what makes me me. Because I like me.

"Bad" vs. "Good" Foods

I've shared this before, but this is not the first time I have lost a significant amount of weight. I have never been a yo yo dieter, but I have lost a significant amount of weight one other time. I gained all of that weight back.

While that was a terrible experience, it is one I have learned a great deal from. I have learned (and am to some degree still learning) not to be judgmental of those who are fat. I have learned that I am an addict, and that I don't think I will ever be completely "cured" of my messed up relationship with food (even though I can manage it and largely control it). Mostly, I just don't want to be arrogant or prideful about weight loss because I have done that before -- only to fail and set myself up for a larger fall.

One of things I learned from the first time I lost weight was that food is not bad or good. The first time I lost weight, I had all foods neatly classified into foods I considered "good" and foods I considered "bad". For example, I considered bananas good and Twinkies bad. My thoughts on this have evolved significantly.

I no longer consider foods bad or good. Food has no intrinsic moral character. However, foods do have properties (nutritional and otherwise) that can make them better or worse choices, but foods themselves are not bad or good. Do you see the difference? I am not sure if I am articulating this well.

If I view food as bad or good, it means that if I ever have a brownie or Twinkie or some other "bad" food that I have failed. I think this is faulty thinking. In redefining my relationship with food, I want to be able to enjoy all kinds of foods -- even the "bad" ones occasionally.

I also think that dichotomous thinking -- having foods be either "bad" or "good" -- is faulty. For example, if you have read my blog for any amount of time you know that cheese is my favorite food. Is cheese "bad"? Well, it's not great. It has a ton of cholesterol and, depending on the type of cheese, saturated fat. That's admittedly bad. However, cheese has calcium and protein too. Thus I think a "bad" label for cheese is unfair. While it's not the best choice, it's not the worst choice either. There are shades of grey in the "good-ness" and "bad-ness" of food just like a lot of other things in life. Plus a life without cheese is not worth living would be significantly less enjoyable for me.

Finally, I am taking control of food instead of letting food control me. It is MY choice whether I eat a food or not. Now sometimes I make good choices. Sometimes I make bad choices. The good choices are getting more frequent and the bad ones more infrequent, but I still do make both good and bad choices. However by viewing each time I eat as an opportunity to make a series of choices, I get control. I am not powerless to food.

I wrote about how last week I had several Christmas parties. At most of them, I had foods that I would have considered "bad" the first time I lost weight. I looked all of my choices and picked one or two of my favorites from among them. I limited my portions on them. I felt completely satisfied.

In the past with my dichotomous thinking, I might have considered that a failure since I ate "bad" foods. Now, I consider that a win. My thinking on this has evolved: I believe you can still make great choices to eat "bad" foods.

Now I'm not saying that this is the approach that will work for everyone. I believe (and respect the fact) that everyone is different and respect each person's choices as long as they are healthy and honor the body. However, I've realized that I want the freedom to enjoy whatever I like. This freedom comes with responsibility. I can't eat as much as I want of the unhealthy foods that I enjoy without consequences, but I love that I still have the choice to eat whatever I want. For me, it has taken away the allure of the "bad" foods I used to consume so much of so often. I know that I can enjoy them, but I just choose to enjoy other things -- like being able to walk around without getting tired, like being able to shop in normal-sized clothing stores, and like not hating how I look in the mirror or in pictures -- more.

Update

I'm still around.  It is the part of the semester where life is so crazy, hence no updates.

There for awhile I was feeling like I was in food freefall.  The scale kept creeping up and up and up.  When I reached 239, I freaked out.  240 is my new "no really, this has to stop" number.  I am back down to 235.8 as of this morning.  I would like to get down to my low that I reached this summer (231) and then past that.  I think that, slowly, I am getting mentally ready.  For some reason I just have not been willing to do the work that I know it will take.

I am still not doing WW or anything formal.  I just don't feel up to it.  I have to say, though, I have eaten (mostly) clean the last few days and it has been so great.  I am really enjoying my food.  It is so flavorful and delicious!  I feel ridiculous saying this but after eating more chemicals than I am used to for awhile, the fruits and vegetables taste amazing.  One of my favorite foods lately (I've eaten it 4 times out of my last 6 meals) is a take on huevos rancheros.  Delicious, fast, easy, and filling.  Also balanced - carbs (tortilla, salsa, and usually I eat with a side of fruit), fats (avocado and some lowfat cheddar), and protein (an egg, some lowfat cheddar).  It takes about 5 minutes to make.  I LOVE IT!

There are lots of posts I've had milling in my mind.  I hope that they will make it online soon.  Just wanted to let you all know I am fighting the good fight.  I am just busy and this blog has taken a back seat to my real life for awhile.  My healthy living (for the most part, more to come on that) has not.  It is really important to me.

Help Please

I want to do better about packing my lunch this week. I would appreciate your help in suggesting meals and recipes that are healthy and either freeze well or would keep for an entire week in the fridge and be easy to pack. Thank you.

The good stuff

I remember when I was almost 300 lbs, I would eat almost anything. I still eat what I love now, but I eat it a lot less frequently than I used to and I am a lot pickier about what I eat. For example, if I want chocolate I usually get fancy, tasty European chocolate now. I don't waste my time with the gross or tasteless stuff. Today I want pie. I am not going to get a $3.99 frozen pie from Walmart because I know it would get eaten in a hurry and it really would not taste that good. Instead, I am on a mission to find a good, single piece of cherry or strawberry rhubarb pie with a yummy homemade crust.

I think that since embarking on this healthiness journey, mindfulness is the word I would use to describe my revised attitude toward food (when everything is working right and I'm not battling through mental stuff). I try to eat mostly healthy foods. I work to make sure I am getting enough fruits and vegetables. But I also still enjoy treats, I am just trying to make sure that they are really something that I decide is worth it and not just a snap decision I make in a moment of weakness. I also make sure that they actually taste good and are not a cheap substitute for something I really want (ie, forgo the nasty stadium orange nacho cheese; get some good sharp cheddar instead).

Balancing your Greedy Side

One of my favorite twitter pals – Josie, a.k.a. Ms. YumYucky – always talks about balancing out her greedy side and her greedy desires. I’m pretty sure she aims to be silly, but I was thinking about it the other day on a day when I was struggling pretty hard core. I decided that for me, this is ultimately the way to go and is something that for me I believe can be sustained.

Today has not been a good travel day for me. I was supposed to be in a fancy tropical location right now, but due to travel delays I’m instead stuck in an airport. Blech. I stuck up for myself, called BS on Continental’s stance that there was a weather delay (no inclement looking weather on the radar between my airport and the hub airport I was headed to), and scored a travel voucher. I ended up at the hub airport, surveyed the food options, and decided on a swanky seafood place. I knew the voucher wouldn’t cover it completely, but decided it was worth it anyway.

I wanted to order something delicious. Perhaps fried calamari. Perhaps fried shrimp. Something decadent and indulgent.

After thinking about it some more, I decided that I wanted lobster bisque. I felt like this was indulgent (I love virtually anything with butter, cream, or cheese), but not that overboard. A google search reveals that 8 oz (the size I got) is about 300 calories. I also ordered a side order of veggies (green beans and a few new potatoes) steamed without veggies or oil. They were the fresh kind, not canned, and they were good. I felt that this was really a successful balancing of my greedy side with my “No I’m serious about getting healthy” side.

I should also mention that since my layover is so long, I went for a long walk to the neighboring terminal. I am glad that I am learning to incorporate activity into my everyday life, even when it’s not feasible to go to the gym. I am glad that I am able to have treats, and that I’m learning which treats are more indulgent and which actually aren’t as “bad” as you might expect. I feel like this is something reasonable that I can sustain in the long haul.

Afterall, I just can’t swear off cheese dip forever. My greedy side simply wouldn’t allow it – so I will just work to keep the greedy side in check.

When things don't make sense

This weekend, I went to Columbus OH to see my brother perform his senior recital (he is a bassoon performance and composition major), and I had a really good time. I did not stay on my plan, which was part of my plan. I suppose I could have been more dedicated about it, but I didn't want to. This is not to say that I went completely crazy, but I did have several treats I rarely allow myself (chocolate and other types of sugar) and I let myself have other treats more than usual (cheese dip). I wasn't expecting the number on the scale to be awesome when I got home, but I wasn't sure what it would be.

I was up a pound. That seemed about right, and I was not disappointed. However, it has been really tough to get back on the plan. I feel like the verse in Romans where Paul is talking about feeling like has no control over what he is doing, and doing what he hates. I have been continuing to shovel crappy junk food into my body. Monday when I got back from my trip (which was a nightmare due to the terrible customer service of Delta airlines), I could have easily gone to the gym, but I didn't. I instead went to Chili's for dinner and graded exams all evening. Tuesday I ate out -- twice. And it was not healthy either time.

Yet, today the scale is the lowest it has ever been on this part of the journey (245.8). It makes no sense. The scale I have also gives a number for visceral fat, which is some reading of how much fat is surrounding your organs -- ie, a measure of the dangerous fat. My number has been 8 for as long as I had my scale (the high end of the normal/healthy range), but today it went down to 7. Again, the best ever for me.

I'm not sure why the scale is cooperating when it clearly shouldn't be. Maybe I am dehydrated (though I don't think so -- drank plenty of water yesterday). Maybe this is the hard work I did last week catching up with me, when I barely lost anything. Maybe it's a fluke. I have no idea. Regardless, I need to get back on plan.

I need to eat things that will help my body to stay healthy, and the foods I have been eating are not those types of food. It is important for my heart and my overall health to fuel my body with the right things. Every time I get off plan for any extended period I wonder "Was that really worth it?" simply because it is so hard to get back on the right track. My health should be a strong enough motivator but sometimes it is not. I really need to dig deep today and pack my lunch and stop whining and fretting about all of this. Just do it.

Breakfast

One of my favorite things over the break was having the time to cook delicious breakfasts. I'm posting some pictures of my favorites.

Eggberts Sunriser

thanks for the recipe Pioneer Woman!

The main idea is that there are hashbrowns, some veggies, ham and/or sausage and cheese covered by an overeasy egg. No idea how many points, but probably not a great WW choice. Delicious though, and worth an occasional splurge!

I got myself a wafflemaker for Christmas and have been using it a fair amount. I believe these are white chocolate chip pecan waffles. I subbed out 1/2 the butter the recipe called for in favor of melted white chocolate chips. Result? Delicious. Also made raspberry topping (the basis for the recipe I share later in the post), an egg, and a link of chicken apple sausage.

This looks gross but was actually really good. It would work on WW for sure. 2 eggs, scrambled with green onions, tomatoes, and some goat cheese. Also ate a grapefruit (peeling it into sections and then eating the sections is by far my favorite way to enjoy grapefruit!) and some sausage.

An egg, some chicken apple sausage, and a piece of french toast casserole. I had some cranberry pecan bread and "Woodstock" bread that I used to make this delicious treat. Probably not WW friendly, but sometimes I get surprised.

One of the most surprising things about the breakfasts is how full they kept me. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but sometimes it was not until 2 or 3 when I even felt hungry. Also, I ate the portions pictured (with the exception of the white chocolate chip waffles -- I made those on Christmas day and let myself have a couple). This represents a huge change for me as in the past, if something tasted good, I was not shy about admitting it and allowing myself seconds..and thirds...and fifths. I am still hopeful that someday I will have a healthy attitude towards food, viewing it as fuel for my body rather than a comfort item or something to say "good job" to myself with.

This morning, the weather was terrible and most local schools were closed -- so I decided to work from here today. I made banana sour cream pancakes, substituting light ingredients where possible. I also made berry sauce -- really easy. Just mix 1 c berries (I use frozen mixed berries from Sam's), 2 Tbsp OJ, 2 Tbsp corn starch, and 1/4 c sugar (I used splenda). Total for two pancakes and 1/3 of this berry mixture was 7 points. I wish I had taken a picture prior to devouring it, but I forgot. Sorry. Take my word for it though -- the results are delicious, and it looks really nice too. One more recipe to add to the list of "ways to get rid of bananas before they go bad".

Potatoes, revisited

Yesterday I went to the gym and then came home and ate lunch. I had a cottage cheese patty (it sounds disgusting but is actually really delicious), cucumber/tomato/onion salad and an orange.

Just a little bit later I was craving a ham sandwich and chips and dip. Usually, I just try to will myself through cravings and am pretty successful since I rarely keep trigger foods around the house. (Believe it or not, I rarely crave, say, apples or brocolli -- usually just stuff that is fatty or sugary...). Yesterday's craving was so strong and lasted so long, I almost decided to actually give in and go to the store and get chips and dip. However, I decided to go the mashed potato route -- in part because I figured it was better for me than chips and dip, and in part because the lazy part of me didn't want to go to the store. Also recall, I didn't have any (delicious) potatoes for Christmas, so I thought yesterday would be the day.

I mashed four potatoes and made them up "right", ie, plenty of butter, sour cream, cheese, chives, and even a little half and half. About one potato in, the craving subsided. Turns out that my "craving" was actually hunger. Huh, another way hunger manifests itself to me is through cravings. Didn't know that. Now I need to figure out what is a craving that can be ignored/ridden out and when that is actually legitimate hunger. Does anyone have any thoughts/insights on that?

I will be honest, though, and tell you I ate all the potatoes. They were good, but probably not worth it. Gah. Will I ever have a healthy relationship with food?!

Food Saver

This summer I bought a FoodSaver and I have to say I love it. It is nice to be able to make food and store it in individually sized portions for later. It's like having TV dinners, but food that I have prepared (with ingredients I know I like and usually lower-sodium and tastier than traditional frozen meals). I was doing well with this for awhile, but with the hectic-ness that was this semester, I fell off the wagon and stopped using the FoodSaver. I have gotten a second wind over break and have been using it a lot.

So far I have made a couple things. I have more on my list to make this week.

One thing I made was Lentil Sausage soup. I'm typically not a soup person, but trust me this soup is good! I doubled the recipe and made a huge pot. In retrospect, that may have been a bit much as the recipe as written produces a ton of soup. However it is really really good, and nutritionally and taste-wise this soup is a winner. Lentils are high in both fiber and protein. I used Sam's chicken apple sausage in the recipe as well and let me tell you that is delicious! Highly recommend that to the Sam's Club members out there. I will be enjoying this soup for months to come.

Here's the yummy soup.

Note that FoodSavers don't really like packaging liquids. They will suck out all of the juice and leave only the solids behind, so you have to trick it by freezing the liquids first. First divide your soup (or other liquid) into the size that you'd like to freeze.

Then put them into the freezer. I did not let the soup freeze all the way, but only to the point where it was sludgy. This way, the FoodSaver would not suck out the liquid (it was frozen), but the soup sludge was pliable enough that I could manipulate all the bags so that they would lay flat. This way, they take up less space in my freezer.

I have also made shrimp and cheese grits to freeze this break. I fell in love with this dish when visiting a friend in Atlanta, and so I was excited to make it myself. It's not too healthy, but the portions suggested in the recipe are huge. Believe it, I could easily make it by on a smaller portion. 12 points per portion, now frozen away for treats at a later date.

I also made this cranberry sauce extraordinaire. I doubled the recipe, saved a fourth of it to enjoy over the holidays (i.e., half of the recipe as written), and packaged the rest into three bags to enjoy later. I love cranberry sauce and am delighted that I will be able to enjoy this throughout the year rather than just at Thanksgiving and Christmas (the kind you make yourself is SO much better than anything you can buy from a store!).

I give the Food Saver a good review. It sucks all the air out of the bags, and then seals them. This leaves your food much less susceptible to freezer burn. I find the food moist and flavorful when I reheat it; the texture rarely seems affected. That having been said, there are foods that freeze well (most meats and lots of casseroles) and things that don't (tomatoes and some other fruits and veggies), but you can usually get some indication as to whether or not your food will freeze well by googling around.

Groceries

I went to Sam's Club to really stock up on groceries over the break. I have been wanting to eat out less, both for health and financial reasons. I feel I can control my food better if I prepare it myself (e.g., I can use lowfat cheese, I can spices rather than fat to make food flavorful, etc). In addition, eating out can add up. Cheap food is rarely healthy at restaurants and healthy food is rarely cheap. Solution: eat at home more and start packing lunches. We'll see how the packing lunches thing goes.

Here's the loot I scored at Sam's. Yum. I think a key to being able to eat healthy is to have stuff ready. You can see the before and after pics below -- after as in after preparing them, not after eating them. (Minus, of course, the butter, ham and sausage which I put in the fridge for later) I tried to cut up everything so it would be ready to go in a jiffy for when I was hungry. I have been enjoying these groceries all week. Very tasty.