Thursday, July 22, 2010

Stream of Conciousness

This blog has been sorely neglected... I still think about it sometimes, although I do less and less. I am just not sure where my head and my heart are lately.

Since learning that I could once again affix the "depression" label to myself, life has seemed harder. I am not sure why. Things are the same as they have been, perhaps even better now that I am on a path to get some help. However, knowing that I am officially depressed almost justifies and validates how crappy I feel and, sometimes, provides just the excuse I need to not do what I don't want to. And that is bogus.

Today, I have another appointment at the counselor. I am not looking forward to it but am hopeful that it will help me. I will let you know.

Some interesting things have happened on the job front. I have to be vague since I have a sneaking suspicion several of my students (and maybe even coworkers) read this blog, but let's just say this. There have been opportunities that have arisen and the timing of these opportunities is either a huge huge coincidence, or a big sign. I am trying to process what all of this means, and how I will proceed. Right now I am just confused and not really believing in my decision-making ability. We will see what happens.

Last week, I received my first blog award. Not only did I receive one, but I received two! Thanks to Cariann at Pencil Skirt Bound and Bunpoh at the Angry Inch. Check out their blogs if you get a chance. I really appreciate you sharing this award with me and will likely do the "assignment" with it later. I hate that it feels like doing everything -- even a simple and somewhat enjoyable task like this feels like I have a mountain to climb. It is ridiculous.


  1. Ahh honey bunny! I totally get what you're laying down!

    ...and just to let you know it took me a couple of times to complete my award requirements. So just remember, it doesn't have to be all at once that you finish it. AND the person that gave me the award...the original requirement was that I had to come up with WAS 15, yep... you read correctly...FIFTEEN! My eyeballs went round and I said, no way, Jose! So I changed the rules to fit me because I'm the boss of myself and changed it to 7.

    Also, if you never do it, so what? The blog police ain't coming! Just enjoy the award because receiving an award doesn't mean you owe anybody ANYTHIN'!

    You're the boss of yourself. Change your life to fit since you're the boss!! :)

    I hope this gives you a smile.



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