Priorities and Having a Life

I have written before how the intense and crushing loneliness I have felt here has helped to fuel my depression, and how my depression has helped to fuel my unhealthiness and poor eating habits. I have great news to report on all of these fronts.

After a serious re-evaluation of my life this summer, I decided that changes were not optional. I had to find a way to either find friends here where I live or move on to new pastures, with the hope and belief that they would be greener. The good news is that I am starting to find friends here! There are figurative green pastures to accompany the real life beautiful scenery in Arkansas!! I am so grateful and relieved!! Another great thing is that one of my students lately is really en fuego. He is doing really well and we are making rapid progress on his research. This has meant that I've stayed late to work with him twice this week.

While both of these things are GREAT -- seriously, I am unspeakably delighted at the positive implications that these developments have on my mental health and my career -- they come at a cost. I have missed yoga twice this week. On Tuesdays, I struggle to find a way to eat between work, when I go to the gym for water aerobics, and a Bible study I am attending. I can either wait until I get home at 9:30-10 (HA!! you're kidding, right?!), eat the unhealthy (and usually not filling but usually delicious) snacks that are provided at the study, stop and get something but be late to the study, or leave work around 4:15 to get something to eat before going directly to the gym. None of these options are great, and I have yet to figure something else out.

In my life I have gotten into this routine that I like and feel comfortable with, exercising 6 days a week usually for an hour or two a day. With hints of a social life -- seriously, I did things with other people after work three times this week which literally is a record since I moved here 3 years ago -- it is not feasible to fit my new budding social life into my current schedule. Something has to go. This week, it was TV, two days of working out, to a large degree the healthiness of the food that I ate, and sleep. While I am willing to give up TV, the rest are harder to give up.

Please understand I am so so grateful that things in my personal and professional life are going well, especially after this summer where I considered chucking both in the depths of depression. However, my new social life leaves me with choices I haven't confronted in awhile and that aren't easy. I am confident I will figure out how to handle this, but for now I am feeling slightly overwhelmed and a bit unclear how to balance everything...but this is a good problem to have.

Wellbutrin

Yesterday I went to the doctor to talk about meds. Lately, things here are somewhat better, but not always, and not to any sort of a level I would call "good". After mulling over the suggestion of my counselor to consider anti-depressive meds, I decided yesterday that this was a good idea.

First of all, my life and work are about to get a lot crazier. I would like to be able to handle all of the stress without crumbling up into a ball and crying all the time. Second of all, I hate feeling like everything -- seriously almost everything -- takes a monumental effort to start or do. Although this is getting easier, it's nowhere near easy. People who have been depressed before know what this feels like. It is absolutely miserable and debilitating.

So, I decided to visit the doctor. I have talked about my old doctor and how I despised him. A coworker recommended to me a new doctor, and I love her. My love for her grows each visit. She is polite and professional, but not really kind and warm. At first it was slightly offputting, but then I realized "Would you expect the same friendliness or warmth from a male doctor?", I realized I wouldn't necessarily, and then got over it. Now I really appreciate her well-reasoned, unemotional approach because I feel like I can trust her more -- she is not telling me what I want to hear or what she thinks will make me not feel bad, but what she believes (I realize anything else would be unethical or unprofessional, but my mind is weird how it works I guess).

When I went into to the office, I explained my situation -- that I had been seeing a counselor for about a month, that the psychologist had suggested that I consider meds, and that this was not my first journey through the barren wasteland of depression as I had successfully overcome depression just 18 months earlier with the help of a psychologist. I also explained my concerns -- that I didn't want to be dulled to the point that I could not feel anything (if that were true, I'd rather just feel sad because at least now I am occasionally happy; I'd prefer that to being a shell of a person with no feelings) and that I did not want to be on drugs forever. I also made it very clear that I was not coming to see her to get a prescription for something. I wanted to talk about the option. I am not opposed to taking these drugs, but I am also not wanting to jump on them for fun and I'm under no illusion that drugs will be a magic bullet that fix everything. Basically, I wanted to be sure that the next steps -- whether or not they included me taking drugs -- were well reasoned and likely to be the right ones.

The way my doctor handled this was amazing. She was very receptive to this approach. She asked me lots of questions, offered some funny but I think appropriate life advice, and had me fill out "tests"/surveys about anxiety and depression. The way the tests are scored, higher numbers mean more -- either more depressed or more anxious; scoring above 50 means you're at the clinical level (either clinically depressed or serious anxiety). On the anxiety test, I scored 46; on the depression test, I scored 61.

The ultimate recommendation was that I go on a medication. She wrote me a prescription for Wellbutrin which helps to treat depression, seasonal affective disorder, and helps people trying to quit smoking by reducing their cravings. I hope it helps. I need to be able to feel better and move on with living my life. If it helps me to better deal with cravings, even better.

Try try again

I used to hate failing. It's not that I relish it now, don't misunderstand, but failure now motivates me more than it used to, specifically with regards to athleticism and getting in shape.

You guys know if you've been reading the blog that I am recently obsessed with biking. Last week I made the plunge and decided to get a road bike. I have yet to name her, but I am leaning towards the name Carina which means "dear little one" or Eloise which means "very healthy and sound".

I decided to do it up and, in addition to getting a very nice entry level road bike, to get clipless pedals too. Real cyclists say that this is important to improve the transfer of power between your legs and the bike (allowing you to transfer power as you pull the pedals up in addition to just when you push the pedals down), so I decided why not?

The first day I got my bike I was really excited to ride it. The bike shop installed the pedals on my bike and the clips on my shoes, taught me how to clip in and clip out on a trainer (basically something that makes your bike like a stationary bike), and told me I'd want to go home and practice clipping in and out.

I took their advice. Foolishly, I decided to practice on an asphalt parking lot. Bad idea.

After I fell the first time, I decided that surely it was a fluke and if I just tried again I would not fall. Although I was humbled, I would not quit. I just spent a good chunk of change on this bike, and I will be using it darn it! I leaned up against the car, clipped in, and then practiced clipping in and out while leaning against the car. Once I felt more confident and comfortable, I did laps around the parking lot. I rode for 2.2 miles, pushing me over the fativersary goal I set for myself. I was happy. As I pulled up to my car, I had successfully clipped out my right foot and figured I was home free and would not fall.

Wrong. Fell again. Busted up the other leg, and got some scraped elbow as a bonus. I was humbled, and decided to quit for the day (it was getting dark and I was starving since I was just coming from the gym and it was about 8).

Well, last week was crazy. Truly truly crazy -- so crazy that I did not get another chance to practice riding my bike. However, I did get to watch a couple hours of TV (Survivor and Biggest Loser). As I watched, I leaned against the bar that separates my kitchen and living room. I clipped in. I clipped out. In. Out. In. Out. 3 hrs (-the commercials) worth.

Eventually it became more natural feeling and maybe even reflexive. It got easier to do. I decided I was ready to take it to the parking lot again. Yesterday the weather was rainy and crappy all day, but today I got to spend a half hour or so in the same parking lot, practicing. One of my students taught me a trick to clipless pedals. It is pretty genius and I wondered why I didn't think of myself. Here's the trick: clip in with one foot like usual. Use that foot to start pedaling and get going pretty well -- fast enough so that you can coast. Once you get going, then use the coasting time to clip the other foot in.

I decided to try this, and was kind of afraid I was going to fall. I didn't!!! I started, I stopped. Clipped in, clipped out. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I was proud of myself.

Eventually I decided I needed to try crazier maneuvers -- for example, keeping one foot clipped in like I stopped at a stop sign and then would need to start again. The first time I tried this, I was so so sure (and disappointed) that I was going to fall. To my surprise, my left foot realized that we were going down and in a moment of reflexive genius, twisted and unclipped. I was grateful to avoid another week of Neosporin and scabs. I had one other close call too, but was able to use the weird instinctive nature that took over. Those three hours of practicing while watching TV paid off!

I'm still not convinced I'm ready for primetime yet. I live on the top of a big hill. It's big enough that I reach 25ish MPH going down the hill in my heavy cruiser. Worse than that, there is a freaking stoplight at a busy intersection about a third of the way down said hill. How am I possibly going to swing that without falling?! I will figure it out, and I WILL do it! And I WILL get back up the hill too! I usually walk the cruiser up, but with 10 gears on my new bike there is no reason why I should do that anymore. I will definitely blog about it when my roadbike gets, you know, some time on the road. Or at *LEAST* a bike trail. Anywhere but a parking lot or my hallway, for the love.

I wrote this blog to say that I am proud of myself. In the past, I would have let my failure be another excuse to sit on my butt. I would have used it to reinforce my idea that activity sucks, and that I'd better just sit this one out. That sedentary lifestyles were really the way to go. I mean, fat people don't break bones -- only the crazies on their mountain bikes and climbing rocks and such. (Never mind the fact that they rarely keel over dead of heartattacks).

The problem was that years of sitting out time after time had really impeded my ability to live life to the fullest and, if I wasn't careful, to live life at all. Yes, my obesity was going to kill me. It already had killed my spirit.

Now that I am living life again, I don't get nearly as afraid when I fail. Now I let it push me. It motivates me to work and work until I conquer something. This girl is back in the game.

Now I'm not under the illusion that I am going to be Lance Armstrong-ette (minus the doping of course), but I am confident that I *will* be a competent to good road biker by the end of the summer. I will have damn good legs too. You can already see a bit of definition in my quads but by the end of the summer -- watch out!

Skating

One of my friends from work invited me to go to adult night at the new skating rink in town. I pictured all sorts of debauchery (although I am not sure what kind of debauchery can occur at a skating rink?), booze, etc. at an adult night. It, fortunately, was nothing like that.

First of all, I can attest that booze and roller skating just shouldn't mix. Ever. I am so freaking uncoordinated without the booze, I can't imagine even a hint of booze mixed with roller skating! Apparently I am not alone because, seriously, someone broke their ankle stone cold sober the night I was there. With booze I am sure the situation would have been a much messier one.

Second of all, let me tell you that skating is nothing like they say riding a bike is. It is not something you decide to do and then feel awesome at right away after not practicing for years (at least it wasn't that way for me). This proved to be somewhat problematic becauase although adult night doesn't mean "booze and sinfest", it means "no kids so all the really good skaters who get annoyed they can't go faster on regular days come out to skate" night. So, let's just say I was in the less evolved portion of the skaters -- and by that I mean probably the first percentile. *Maybe* second if we are generous.

I had fun anyway. I willed myself to keep skating and probably made around a total of 20 circles around the rink. I mean, I'm not signing up for rollerderby anytime soon or anything, but it was a nice way to burn some extra calories and it was nice to get a chance to hang out with and get to know a friend a little better.

I love that my new life includes activities that are fun and I don't feel too abnormal doing them. I mean in the past I would blamed the fact that I sucked at skating on the fact that I am overweight. While I am still overweight, I think the fact that I suck at skating is due to lack of practice and/or innate athleticism. I am trying to strip away the excuses and try new things -- and, although I hate it, that means admitting I am not good at everything I try.

I would not consider my skating career over. However next time I think I'll go on kids day where maybe I will be in the 30th percentile of skaters, not the first or second :)

Zumba

I tried Zumba again today. I tried it a couple times this summer and it hurt my feet and knees like none other, so I decided no Zumba for awhile. However, I tried again today and I will say...I hated it less. Actually I didn't hate it at all. I think to say that I "liked" it would be a bit of a stretch, but it wasn't bad. My arches hurt a couple times, but I pushed through and the pain went away. It's probably the shoes that I got at Fleet Feet that were a huge help. I almost rolled my ankle twice, but I caught myself both times. I am not sure if it's that my reaction time is better or that my joints (ligaments?) are stronger or what, but I am delighted that I did not get hurt and that I even kind of enjoyed myself. I love the music, I love the energy, and I love knowing that there is pressure not to quit. I am a lot less likely to walk out of a class halfway through if I'm not feeling it than I would be to get off a treadmill. I also love knowing that doing an hour of Zumba burns 600-800 calories.

Overall: I give my experience with Zumba a B. I will be back. Maybe someday I will even love it.

Thanksgiving

I decided to stay in Fayetteville for Thanksgiving. I was really sad about it, but I worked to have a good attitude. I also thought it was the best thing for my back/hip/health, even though I would have loved to see my buddies in Missouri. I hope I get to see them soon.

I also devised a strategy so as not to overdo it on Thanksgiving. I think I was moderately successful. The strategy was basically to really kill it on the veggies and fill up there. I made three kinds of (delicious) veggies: asparagus, corn, and peas. They were good. If you know me, now you know I love love love carbs, especially potatoes. In fact, on Facebook I even asserted my love for stuffing, hashbrown casserole, and mashed potatoes for all to see. In the past, I have made all these side dishes and more (sweet potatoes with brown sugar and pecans on top - YUM!), all full sized dishes of course, and all for n=1=me. Gluttonous. I knew that these could be my undoing, so I made myself pick ONE of these delicious side dishes. At first I selected hashbrown casserole -- you know, the stuff with cheese, sour cream, butter, onions and tons of deliciousness (sometimes even with crumbled chips on top!). That stuff is so good. However, I was honest with myself and knew that I had potatoes already at home, and would probably end up making both the mashed potatoes and h.b. casserole, so I decided it was wisest just to go with the mashed potatoes only. I was really proud of myself.

For meat, I decided to get a hamsteak -- you know, the thick slices of ham that come all by themselves (i.e., you are not having to buy an entire ham). I now think they are big (around 1-1.25 lbs of meat is a lot!) but I used to think they were perfectly sized. Times, they are a-changin'. In case you would like my secret to what I think is a perfectly cooked hamsteak, do the following. In a bowl mix honey and mustard. I used honey I picked up from Pike's Place in Seattle made from bees pollinating raspberries -- delicious-- and a little bit of the mustard with whole seeds and a heapin' helpin of Grey Poupon. Probably 3 parts honey to 2 parts mustard. Mix them up and then brush half the honey-mustard mixture liberally on the side #1 of the hamsteak. Let it cook for a little bit, flip it, and then brush the remaining mixture on the other side. Let it cook, and you will have a delicious hamsteak to eat. Yum. I prefer this ham to almost any other type.

Now, let me be honest and transparent about the mashed potatoes. I used 5 medium sized redskin potatoes, which I know is huge portion. Believe it or not, it is way less than I used to eat though. SERIOUSLY!! I could eat a ton of mashed potatoes and not even be breathing hard. In fact, my family typically had me go last at Thanksgiving when passing around the mashed potatoes because they knew when it came to them, I was all business. In addition to the potatoes, I used REAL butter, and was not stingy about it. I also added fat free sour cream, 2% sharp cheddar cheese, about 2/3 a package of the ranch dressing mix (the powdered stuff), and enough milk to make the texture right. It was great. Seriously.

To prepare the asparagus, I washed it, cut off the ends, brushed it with olive oil, sprinkled it with freshly cracked pepper and sea salt, put in on a foil-covered cookie sheet and baked it at 350F for about 15 minutes. I used a recipe from Eating Well for a delicious sauce -- it has mayo (I used FF), lemon juice, water, and freshly-grated Parmesan cheese. It is so good, seriously. Yum.

The peas and corn were the steam-in-bag variety. Voila.

All of this stuff was super easy to prepare. It seriously took me less than an hour (probably about 45 minutes) to prepare everything, so I ended up eating at 10 AM-ish while watching the Macy's day parade. Totally non-traditional.

For dinner, I made a crustless pumpkin pie. It was really good, and I ate the whole thing in one sitting. I used an entire can of my the delicious FF whipped cream I have raved about before. Afterwards, I thought "Now, seriously -- was that necessary?" It totally was not and I did regret the gluttony. Lesson learned. And, believe it or not, I actually did feel uncomfortably full afterwards. I am glad I am learning to feel that feeling.

While I did not do stellar on portions, I feel good about many of my choices and would give myself a C- for the day. I would have preferred a B (I think earning an A+ when eating on a major holiday like that is unrealistic for me), but I can do it in the future. Huge huge huge progress from the F- days of the past. Still plenty of room for improvement.

On the plus sides, I am glad that Thanksgiving did not send me off on a bender because I felt lonely. I am glad that I was strong enough to allow myself ONE treat sidedish instead of a full-out carbfest, and to make myself one relatively-healthy pie that had no crust, not 5 pies with all the delicious dairy-based enhancements (ice cream, whipped cream, etc.). I am glad I planned it so there were no leftovers (though splitting the pie over a few days would have been better). There were several things I did right, and would like to continue in the future.

Finally I should say I am thankful for my health (I WILL conquer this back/hip issue, and am glad to have my blood pressure regulated, my heart working normally, and all of my faculties with me) and my family and friends who I love dearly and who love me too. And, I am super-grateful for the feeling that I am headed in the right direction and that my life is no longer spiraling out of control. This was not a bad Thanksgiving, even though there were some unexpected bummers and speedbumps. Overall, my life is headed in the right direction.

Overdue Hiking Post - Glory Hole

I took this hike last weekend and promised a post on my hike eventually. Sorry it is overdue, but here it is...

First of all, get your minds out of the gutter. I went to the Glory Hole which is not what you sickos think, but rather a pretty neat waterfall in Arkansas. The name is derived from the fact that over the years water has eroded away at a hole though which comes a pretty neat waterfall. I had seen beautiful pictures, but was honestly slightly disappointed when I saw the hole myself for the first time.

First of all I had read this is an easy hike. I would kind of agree, but also disagree would caution future hikers/guidebook writers not to mistake "short" and "easy". The hike is relatively short (~2 miles round trip), but it is STEEP and the trail is really beat up -- you really need to watch for potholes or you will roll your ankle, guaranteed. It is worth the trip though. Let me start at the beginning.

The trail is not easy to find unless you absolutely know what you are looking for. The directions say to look for a split in the road and 5.7 miles from the split, look for a barn with an "E" on the side of it. I was expecting a hugely painted E -- the E is not small, but it is pretty modestly sized. Nothing at all like a full-sized Coca Cola ad or anything of that magnitude, but still big enough to see. Heaven help future hikers finding this trail if the owners of the barn decide to paint over that E! You are then supposed to pull over and park across from the "house". Let me say that to use the term house on the structure that this trail is across from is pretty generous. It is a structure to be certain, but use your imagination to come up with a stereotypical vision of what you would picture as an Arkansas house, and sadly that would be about what this "house" looked like. When I get into rural Arkansas (which is usually only when I go hiking or kayaking), I am amazed at the poverty. It is really quite startling.

Back on topic...I saw there were 10-12 cars pulled off to the side of the road and figured I must be in the right place. I thought for sure this couldn't be a good idea to park like this but I did it anyway since I had driven about 2 hours to get to this place. Turns out my car was fine.

There is about a 1/4 mile walk from the main road to the trailhead. It is not a bad walk -- flat with some potholes but overall fine. At the trailhead there is this marker. Ahh, rustic Arkanas at its finest. Gotta love redneck advertising and the unnecessary quotes.

In case you can't read it, the sign says "The 'Glory' Hole". I can only imagine how the subtitle was written. I believe it first said "About 1/2 mile". I think as an afterthought someone wrote the + so it read "About 1/2+ mile". The most hilarious part (and the reason I took the picture) is hard to see, but beneath the subtitle someone had written in chalk "about 2 miles back". So so true (even though it is the exact same trail that leads you both down and back--this absolutely seems accurate!).

The hike down is not a huge deal. It probably takes about 1/2 hour or so. It is noticably steep though. I had to say it made me nervous to hike back while taking this huge drop in elevation on the way down there.

The trail ends pretty abruptly. Thankfully, there was a group of hikers down at the bottom who told me that this, indeed, was the end of the trail. From the end of the trail, you are able to clearly see the hole through which the water falls (if you know to look for it that is).

From the hole, though, it is a non-trivial (but short) hike to get to the falls itself.

The hike from the hole shown above to the falls basically sucks. This picture hopefully gives you a little appreciation for the difficulty of reaching the bottom (at least for people who have lived ~29 years/30 worth of a sedentary lifestyle).

It's worth it, though apparantly the time of the day when I came was pretty underwhelming from a lighting perspective. I was unable to capture some of the beautiful shots of this place I had seen in books and online. Oh well, I guess we can't all be Tim Ernst, can we?

The hike up? Let's just say it sucked. And the people who said it was 2 miles back? That seems about right. I could not find online the elevation gain on the trail, but it was so significant, especially for someone from the flatlands of Northwest Ohio. I was glad I had my 32 oz waterbottle with me, and a gallon of water in the car. I think I had about 80 oz of water during/immediately after this hike -- and it was only about 65ish degrees (which, incidentally, I am convinced is the perfect weather for hiking)!

My final verdict on this hike is that it is really nice, but not worth a 2 hr drive. If you're in the area, absolutely stop in. If you can couple this with another hike in the area, do it. However, don't just drive 4 hrs round trip to see this. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but I do have to say this hike left me a little disappointed. However, I got to listen to 3 episodes of This American Life, so it wasn't so bad afterall :)

Hiking @ Lost Valley

This past weekend I went hiking at Lost Valley. This is a part of the Buffalo National River protected area. Most of the hike is very easy, meandering parallel to the Clark Creek. The amazing thing about this is the number of incredible features that are contained along this short 2 mile hike. First of all, there is a natural bridge which has pretty neat waterfall coming out of it.

To me, the neatest part of this is that the creek has carved itself a way through the rock. It is hard to describe but it is so neat to see in person. Basically, there is a very narrow opening through which the water can enter (I think it is a cave), and then it comes spilling out the other side. It is beautiful.

The highlight of this trail, though, has to be Eden Falls. There are three falls -- the lower, the middle and the upper falls. This picture shows all of them (although not super duper well)

I have read varying reports on the height of the lower falls, ranging from 35-50 feet so I am not sure how tall they really are. Here is me next to the falls, though, to give a little perspective. I am in the foreground and the falls are about 15-20 feet behind me. The water flowing over the falls and into the creek below is crystal clear. Thank you NPS for preserving this treasure!!!

Past the falls, I think the trail gets a little dicey. You basically climb up above the falls (aka very steep elevation gain quickly) and you can explore this cave behind the falls. It's my understanding there are waterfalls in the cave as well. Here is a picture of the mouth of the cave. You have to climb in to the left of the waterfall.

Some experienced hikers familiar with the area said that this time of year the cave is sandy and it is kind of dangerous in there. I was not sad for an excuse to bail out. Plus it will give me an excuse to have to come back. I'm definitely not sad about that. I have said it before and will say it again. Arkansas is a beautiful place. This hike is about 1.5-2 hrs from my house and I feel very fortunate to be able to do this kind of thing. I feel guilty for missing out on these opportunities the first two years I lived here. I am glad to be reclaiming my life and my health so I can explore this beautiful state.

Weekend Hiking

This weekend, I went hiking twice. The first day I went to Hawksbill Crag, which is one of the most photographed places in Arkansas. It has even graced the cover of the 2005 Rand McNally atlas! It was a gorgeous fall day (about 60 and PERFECT!), and I was delighted to be getting my hike on.

The ride to Hawksbill Crag is -- how shall I describe this -- a challenge? 8 miles. Uphill. Unmarked and unpaved gravel road. Potholes. Seriously, it's out in the middle of nowhere and if you don't know where you're going, you will totally miss the road to the trail. All of a sudden you get to the top, though, and there are just a ton of cars parked! It is kind of bizarre, but it hinted to me at how this was going to be a great view. There were a ton of people there, so apparently we weren't the only people who thought it was a nice day outside.

On the trail, there is a waterfall (it's maybe about 20 feet tall). To hike to get there was a little challenging, but this really nice couple helped me and my friend slide down a tree about 5 feet to get to a place where we could hike to the bottom of the waterfall (we started up on that bluff on top, and needed to figure out a way to get to the bottom....)

...which we did!

We then continued out to the crag itself. It was pretty but a little more anticlimactic than I expected -- and also very crowded! I even ran into a couple of students from the department. Kind of strange. I wanted to stick my feet over the edge but I didn't get too crazy sitting on the edge with my knees hanging over... (editor's note: at the time I thought I was being really brave in this picture and it would look impressive, but now I realize how ridiculous I look in this photo!)

We didn't really catch a good view of the crag until our hike back. It is actually really pretty, and I managed to get a good picture. It would be a little nicer if there weren't tons of people on it, but you can get a perspective as to how big the crag actually is with them in the photo (and yes, I was out there on the VERY END. The feet picture doesn't feel so ridiculous anymore, does it?).

So that was hike #1. It was about 3.5 miles round trip. Hilly in sections, but the trail was well maintained. I'd say it's an easy to moderate hike.

The second place I went was with the NWA Hiking Club to Pedestal Rocks. I had a good time, and met some really nice people. We went on two hikes, one to the rocks, and one to King's Bluff. Not much to say about this hike right now, but I will post a couple pictures. I thoroughly recommend this hike. Moderate, I'd say -- hilly in sections and lots of rocks on the trail which mean you have to be careful and watch your footing, lest you bust up your ankle. About 4-5 miles round trip.

Note that there is a dude on the right rock in this photo below. It helps give this picture a little perspective as to the size/coolness of this place. And by the way, some of the drops were 100+ feet. Yikes.

Finally, we saw a waterfall that was about 100 feet tall on this hike. My pictures completely do not capture the beauty so I am not going to attempt to post pictures. Look at the third picture down on this link if you are curious. The total distance of both hikes we took on this day was about 4.5 miles, and it was very hilly. I had a good time, and would love to visit this place again when the leaves are green and the waterfall is really flowing.

Good weekend, great weather, good exercise, and gorgeous scenery. I consider it a success!

Surfing update

If a picture is worth a thousand words, an experience must be worth a million. So I went surfing last weekend. In a word? Exhilirating. However, there is no way one word could capture the experience. Here are some of the ones that come to mind: fun, exciting, slightly terrifying, amazing, capture the power of the ocean, proud of myself, ugh-spandex, wow, love this, "I suck at this", I will figure this out, exhausting, addicting, adrenaline rush. I loved it. Totally worth donning spandex for.

I did not expect to love it as much as I did. Sure, I wanted to try it but I did not think I would get such a rush out of it. So how did I fare? OK (aside from this jacked up back -- but I think that I would even do it again knowing I'd get a jacked up back assuming this pain goes away soon); it's not like I'm a natural or anything, but I did OK.

Let me tell you about what I remember. I should really do this before I forget. First of all, they had only one wetsuit in my size. I am not sure if I wrote about that the first time, but I am glad to be at a point where at least something will fit, even though it is embarrassing that I'm such an outlier that they only carry one wetsuit in my size. I will get there though! I got there early, my friend Lisa helped me zip up the wetsuit, and then there was nothing to do but wait. That was pretty much a headgame -- waiting, with plenty of time to back out. "Do you really want to try this? You could get hurt. Do you really want to wear spandex in front of everyone? Are you sure about this?" I had basically 25 minutes with myself to sort this all out. I pressed ahead. I wanted to do this, and badly!

We then had to carry our surfboards to the ocean. The surf shop's website advertised that it was 500 steps to the ocean. Not bad, eh? Well it's not bad when you're not carrying an awkward surfboard. It's pretty unpleasant when you are. And it's even more tiring when it's uphill and you've spent 2 hours in the ocean getting battered around. Thankfully I did not realize this on the way down :)

I walked to the ocean with three of my surf classmates and our instructor, Ian. Three of the four of us had never surfed, and the other guy had taken several lessons but had never stood up on his board. This was actually pretty great, as I felt it gave me permission to lower my expectations. I realized that I did not need to feel pressure to stand up on the first time, or even by the end of the lesson. Now, while I didn't know what to expect exactly at the beach, I did not expect to get to a concrete ramp that led directly to the ocean, bordered by a concrete wall. There were also several boulders at the bottom of the ramp. I thought to myself "OMFG, are you serious?! I am so going to kill myself learning to surf" Fortunately, we just had to wade through the water and then get to the sandy part of the beach. I would not crash into a boulder and die. Also, fortunately there were a hill and 500 steps back to the surf shop, preventing me from backing out (easily) at this point.

We waded through the ocean and reached the sandy beach. We got a lesson on how to get up on the board, practiced on the sand, and then were about to go in the ocean. At this point, one of my classmates asked "Are there sharks around here?"

Ian said, "Um, yeah there are. Actually one of my buddies got bitten by one here 5 years ago."

I am sure all of us were visibly shaken. I know I was strangely a mix of shaken and like "I'm going through with this!" I figured that a sharkbites are like lightning strikes in that they are incredibly rare, but still knowing that you had been where that type of thing had occured is pretty sobering.

Ian paused and I am sure realized we were kind of terrified. He tried to reassure us, adding "But he's ok now, and he's surfing again!" I thought "Great, my instructor is friends with the crazies!" However, I now realize that surfing is so exhilarating that it would be tough to hang up the ol' surfboard...especially if you didn't suck at surfing -- but on with the story.

We paddled out to the ocean, and Ian tried to describe for us how to catch a wave. It's so so exhilirating if you are able to do it. He described for us what makes a "good wave", but actually you can start to predict it pretty easily just watching the waves for a half hour or hour. You get a good feeling for which ones will be big, where they will break, and so on. You want to catch a wave that is growing, and which as not broken yet so you can ride it in to the shore. We got to practice this for awhile. I had a goal that I wanted to learn to catch waves. That would be enough -- I didn't have to be able to stand by the end of the first lesson or anything. I did that, and I made it up to my knees once. I was really happy with my progress, and look forward to continuing to improve.

This improvement is made difficult by two factors. First, I have jacked up my back. This is extra sad because for the next week I will be in San Diego and could conceivably get a chance to surf!!! This is significant because, as you probably realize, I am from Arkansas and there are not many any surfing opportunities in our landlocked state. Nonetheless, I will persevere and will be able to surf at some point in my life. I also will be able to fit into a normal sized wetsuit too. Not committing to a timeline, but it will happen.

The next day I was sore. This was kind of strange because I don't get sore that often anymore. My muscles are used to being abused, I guess, and don't fight me on it anymore. Believe it or not, it is the shoulders and triceps that get sore mostly from pushing up on the board. My hamstrings were also tight the next day, though I'm not entirely sure why. It could be all the walking through the sand (though I would have thought that would work the calves more?).

When I got back to Arkansas, I googled "shark bolinas ca". Try it for yourself and you will realize that Bolinas, CA is on almost every top 10 list for sharks that exists. It feels that way at least -- apparently, great whites love to feed on the abundance of baby sea lions in the area. They are most plentiful in the late summer and early fall. I am so glad I didn't realize that before I went!!

There was a shark attack at Stinson Beach (where we actually stayed, a short distance from Bolinas). Here is a PSA for the day. Apparently the attackee grabbed and pulled at the shark's gills and was released. I have also read that you should go to the bottom of the ocean (they can attack you from fewer angles that way) and hit the shark on the nose. Try to use something other than your hand (e.g., a camera) as cameras are replaceable but hands are not. So, should you ever need to defend yourself from a shark attack, there are some places to start. Remember this post and use the info!!

So that was my surfing experience. I can't wait to try it again. I love it. If you catch a wave, the feeling is absolutely indescribable. It feels like you are harnessing the power of the ocean, which is SO SO strong. To be able to capture that and ride it out is so neat. Makes me wonder who figured out the idea of surfing, built the first surfboards, and tried that out. Certainly they had to struggle with it at first. Whoever it was, kudos to them. They stumbled on something absolutely amazing that I can't wait to try again and, eventually, master.