The last few weeks...

I got an e-mail from a friend a couple days ago telling me I had been quiet (as in, not updating my blog) and asking me how things were going.

I am so so glad to say things are going well. There are several things that I am sure are playing into this. I'd say this boils down to four main reasons why things are going so well.

1. The OA program has really helped me. I will write more about this in a future post but for now I will say that if you suffer from compulsive eating, I'd absolutely recommend giving OA a try. For me it has worked wonders. I am excited to share more about this.
2. The doctor has upped the dosage of meds. While I'm not excited about this, per se, I am glad that I seem to be feeling better and that this upped dosage seems to be working in concert with the other changes I'm making and actions I am taking to change my life.
3. I have started therapy again. One of the therapist's suggestions was that I really regiment my time via a strict schedule. While I initially hated/resisted this idea, it has revolutionized the way that I keep track of time and has been wonderful for my productivity. And, being productive helps me to feel good about myself.
4. I rely on my real life friends when things are tough. I actually have a social life and I actually have people who understand me and disordered eating who live in the area. I am so grateful to be able to call on them when I need to, in stark contrast to my first several years here. I'm. so. very. grateful.

In the last few weeks I've lost 6 pounds. While I am of course happy to have the scale headed in a direction I like again, there are other things that I'm even happier about. I'm happy that I've really committed whole heartedly to WW -- not because WW is in and of itself amazing, but because more importantly I've wholly recommitted myself to being accountable for my actions in the form of tracking my food. I am thrilled I have obsessive thoughts about food FAR less than I have in a long time. And, best of all, I am feeling happy and content not just about food but about life and the direction I'm headed. Fantastic, and a great change.

Community and Friends

I have written posts lamenting my lack of friends and posting what a hard time I had transitioning to life in Arkansas and as a real adult. I am pleased to announce that I finally have friends here! Real, genuine, we actually have a lot in common, I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me friends! What a blessing.

It is funny, I had myself convinced there for awhile that I "didn't need friends" and that I "was independent and liked to do stuff without having to please others" and that being alone "allowed me freedom that I didn't want to give up". And, while there are shreds of truth in the last two statements at least, they're mostly lies and coping mechanisms that helped me to feel better. I can assure you that having friends is so much better than not having them.

I think people were designed to be in community. My therapist has even told me that I am someone who functions better in relationships than out of them (not the romantic variety, just relationships in general). He is right. I need friends and am so glad that I have some now.

I am grateful for friends who accept me for who I am -- an emotional overeater, someone who is caring and thoughtful, someone who deals with depression, a professor, someone who can be compulsive, someone who is successful and intellegent, someone who is passionate, someone who is pretty liberal and has a gay brother. They take the good with the bad, and don't try to "fix" me or judge me or convince me that I'm wrong if they disagree. I think I do the same for them -- 'cause that's what friends do. I am so grateful to have them in my lives, adding to and enhancing my existing network of friends who I don't live near anymore. I felt I owed you guys an update on that since I shared the bad with you on that one, and now I have good news to share :)